


Something Old, Something New

by dumbhuman



Series: Wedding [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Attempted Suicide Mention, Bottom Evan "Buck" Buckley, Dildos, Getting Together, It's not Buck and Eddie's wedding FYI, Lots of sassy Diaz content, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Soft Eddie Diaz, The female OC is Eddie's cousin who is the bride and who had a LOT to say ok, Top Eddie Diaz, Wedding, talking about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:48:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25433380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dumbhuman/pseuds/dumbhuman
Summary: “Damn, I love weddings!” Buck’s face lit up as he closed the door.If asked later, Eddie wouldn’t have been able to explain what came over him in that moment to make him ask the question. Or, at least, he wouldn’t have wanted to explain. The exhaustion was an easy excuse, but he knew deep down that it wasn’t a real one.“Why don’t you come with me?”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Wedding [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877266
Comments: 186
Kudos: 713





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends! I'm back with another fic whose word count got away from me. These men don't shut up. Plus, Jenny jinxed me.
> 
> This whole fic is written - the plan is to post a chapter a day. Shout out to the [Buddie Discord](https://discord.gg/m2XPdwV) sprinters and to my betas for all of the help and support!

Eddie was exhausted as they all climbed off of the truck, finally reaching the end of their shift as the sun peeked over the horizon. He was glad that Carla was handling getting Chris off to school this morning - all Eddie wanted to do was collapse on his bed and sleep the day away.

He was jolted back to the moment by a shoulder knocking into his, Buck’s concerned face swimming into view. Buck was shirtless, which Eddie found very confusing.

“Earth to Eddie? You gonna get changed there, bud?”

Eddie blinked. They were in the locker room. That explained Buck’s bare chest. Huh, he didn’t remember walking _into_ the locker room…

“Eddie? You still with us? You look dead on your feet.”

Eddie turned to Chimney, but his response was cut off by a massive yawn, his jaw cracking as he stretched it wide. He blinked slowly at Chim’s face, but he couldn’t remember what Chimney had asked let alone what he was planning to reply. He just shook his head before turning back to his locker, going through the motions of changing into his own clothes. 

“Sorry, m’just tired. I was on the shift before this one too.”

Chim clapped him on the back as he passed by Eddie and Buck on his way out. “Definitely been there - let Buckaroo drive you home if you need, ok?”

For his part, Buck didn’t even blink at being volunteered for Eddie duty. He just closed his locker and leaned back against it, watching Eddie strip down to his boxers before digging around in his bag for his sweats. If he could trust his brain at the moment, he would’ve sworn that Buck’s gaze lingered. Which was laughable. Eddie’s mind really loved playing tricks on him.

“Carla’s got Chris covered today, right? Usual plan - shovel down some food and sleep for 12 hours?” 

Eddie nodded automatically before stopping short in realization. “ _Shit_ . God, I wish, but I have to get my suit from the cleaners by 3, they close stupidly early.” He’d still get plenty of sleep, just...not as much as he would’ve liked. He groaned, bringing his head down to rest on his locker door as he closed it. “ _Fuck_ , I need to pack tonight too.”

Buck gave Eddie a once over, biting his lip before stepping forward. “Since, um...since I’m a little more _alive_ than you, why don’t I pick up your suit for you? I can grab Chris from school, swing by after and help with dinner and maybe packing? You look like you’ll need it, man.” Buck shot him a wry smile, the familiar guardedness visible behind his eyes. Eddie was still working to break that wall down, trying daily to convince Buck that he wasn’t overstepping, that he _couldn’t_ overstep.

Eddie turned around until his back sagged against the cool metal. He rubbed his palms against his eyes, spots filling his vision as he turned to give Buck what was hopefully a grateful smile. 

“That would be _amazing_ , actually. Are you sure? You don’t have any plans for tonight or anything?”

“I was just going to get some sleep and then veg out and rewatch all of John Mulaney’s Netflix specials for the millionth time, so you’re definitely not pulling me away from anything important.” Buck squinted at him, crossing his arms. “Whether or not I had plans is irrelevant, though. I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it.”

Eddie looked down at his shoes and tapped the toe of Buck’s sneaker with the side of his own. “Yeah, I know. I really appreciate it.” He hiked his bag onto his shoulder before looking back up at Buck, his breath catching at the soft smile one Buck’s face. He watched as Buck’s mouth started to move, shaping around words, but it took a second for Eddie to register the question.

“Eddie? Are you ready to go?”

Eddie nodded and followed Buck out toward the parking lot.

“So - a suit, packing to be done-” Buck shot a questioning look over at Eddie. “What are your mystery plans that have you taking time off this weekend? You said something the other day about you and Chris and a family thing?”

Eddie shrugged. “Oh, I thought I’d mentioned it. My cousin Lucia is getting married on Saturday. We’re driving out to Paso Robles tomorrow and staying a few nights.”

They reached Buck’s Jeep. Eddie hovered at the back of it, turning to break off and keep walking to his truck where it was parked in the corner of the lot, but Buck glared at him before crossing in front of his car to open the passenger side door. Eddie knew what the pointed look meant, and just rolled his eyes before closing the gap and sliding into the seat. 

“Damn, I love weddings!” Buck’s face lit up as he closed the door, jogging back around to his own side and climbing into his seat. He turned his key in the ignition and turned to look over his shoulder before starting to back out.

If asked later, Eddie wouldn’t have been able to explain what came over him in that moment to make him ask the question. Or, at least, he wouldn’t have wanted to explain. The exhaustion was an easy excuse, but he knew deep down that it wasn’t a real one.

“Why don’t you come with me?”

He winced and squirmed in his seat, bit back the immediate instinct to withdraw the offer. That would be even harder to explain. 

“What?” Buck’s eyes widened, and he let out a surprised huff of laughter, staring at Eddie for a moment before shifting from park to drive. “Are you seriously asking me to be your plus one to a wedding that’s three days away? Isn’t it like, way past the RSVP window?”

There it was. A perfectly good out, a reset button. If he knew what was good for him, Eddie would take it. 

He didn’t. 

“Nah, Abuela was just telling me this morning that one of my uncles is sick, so they’re already a few guests short in the headcount. It should be fine.” It was like someone else was controlling his mouth, disconnected from his brain which was shouting at him to _shut the fuck up_. “Besides, I’m one of the groomsmen. Chris needs someone to keep him company while I take pictures and shit.”

It was a flimsy excuse. It’s a _family_ wedding - Chris knew at least of the third of the guests, and Abuela and Tia Pepa would definitely be there. Buck got a weird look on his face, like he may be connecting the same dots, but it faded into a smile. 

“You know what? I already have Friday off, and Romero’s been spending all week begging anyone who will listen to let him have their Saturday shift so that he can get out of a visit from his in-laws. I wasn’t going to enable him, but this might actually work out.” Buck grinned, drumming on the steering wheel. “I’ll text Bobby after I drop you off, ask if I can do a half shift tomorrow so I don’t hold you back from making it out to Paso Robles at a reasonable hour. If he can find someone to cover, I’m yours.”

“Great!” Eddie managed to respond in what he hoped was a normal voice. The deranged smile on his face sure wasn’t, but Buck’s eyes were thankfully on the road as he started rambling about his suit options and getting a haircut before they left. 

Eddie rested his head against the window, wondering how he managed to screw himself over like this. A long weekend with Buck and a bunch of opinionated Diazes? His relatives were sharks - they’d be able to smell his repressed, unrequited bullshit as soon as they stepped into the hotel.

Even worse, Buck would be in a _suit_.

Great. This was going to be _great_. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to the Alphabet Game. Coming in clutch during some long car rides.

Buck got the time off. 

Buck got the time off, and was now in the car with Chris and Eddie, halfway through a three hour drive to Paso Robles. Eddie kept sneaking glances to his right as they coasted along the highway, drawn to the grin on Buck’s face as he sang along with Christopher to the Frozen 2 soundtrack.

“ _INTO THE UNKNOOOOOWN!_ ”

Buck was _loud_ , but Chris’s smile was huge in the rear view mirror. Eddie would definitely take an impromptu concert over one of Chris’s car tantrums any day. 

“ _Can you feel me? Can you show meeeeeeee?_ ”

Even one that was incredibly off key.

Buck turned to Eddie as Chris continued singing along to Olaf’s song about the wisdom that comes with age. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take over?”

Eddie huffed. “Buck, we’re halfway there, I’m fine.”

Buck nodded a few times before shifting in his seat, his leg shaking. 

“Yeah, okay, yeah. That makes sense. And you said we’ll grab dinner when we get there? Are you sure we don’t need to stop along the way?” Buck stared straight out the window as he rambled, sneaking a glance Eddie’s way as he finished his question. Eddie could tell the puppy dog eyes were out in full force, even in his periphery. 

Eddie rolled his eyes and counted to five, sending a prayer up to whoever may be listening that he could keep his patience. There was a restless child in his car, he’d expected that - he was just assuming it would be Chris.

“Buck, I told you the plan yesterday. This is why Chris and I ate a late lunch. This is why we all peed before we got in the car. Three hours, straight shot, no stops, then dinner at the hotel.”

Buck nodded again, turning back to lean against the window, returning his gaze to the passing scenery. 

“Bucky!” Chris stopped humming along to the _super weird reindeer boy band song_ that Buck loved for some reason, clapping his hands to get Buck’s attention. “Do you want to play a game?”

Buck twisted around, hooking his chin over the back of his seat to give Christopher his full attention. 

“Sure buddy - what kind of game do you want to play? I Spy?”

Chris shook his head. “There’s nothing good for I Spy here. We haven’t even passed any horses.” 

Buck stifled a laugh, Eddie biting back his smile when they locked eyes.

“Of course, mijo, what was Buck thinking!” Buck put a hand against his chest, mouth agape in exaggerated betrayal. “What game did you have in mind?”

“The Alphabet Game, duh.” He turned his attention back to Buck. “That’s the game that me and Daddy play when I’m super bored in the car like you are.”

Eddie’s laugh escaped him, Buck sticking his tongue out at him as he tried to pass it off as a cough. Eddie just moved his hand from the gearshift to Buck’s knee, raising an eyebrow when he felt that it was still shaking with pent up energy. Buck nudged him off, pulling his knee up onto his seat to face the back seat more fully, cheeks pink. 

“Alright Chris, the Alphabet Game it is! Thank you for schooling me on proper game selection.” He reached out for a high five, which Chris returned enthusiastically. “Think you can teach me the rules? I don’t think I’ve ever played that one.”

“Okay, so. We play on a team since Dad says I’m not big enough to sit in the front seat and it’s hard to see stuff back here.” He directed a glare at Eddie.

“Chris, we’ve gone over this. It’s the law! Not until you’re thirteen!”

Chris just squinted harder before looking back at Buck, a smile blooming. Traitor. 

“Anyway, we work together to find a word that starts with each letter, in order, on signs and cars and stuff. Like, um…” He looked out the window, pointing at a sign for an upcoming rest stop. “Burger King is a B! But we can’t do it yet, because we haven’t got A yet.”

Buck whipped around in his seat, eyes peeled, focused already.

“I don’t know about that, buddy. That car in front of us, to the left?” Eddie smirked as he met Chris’s eye in his mirror. “Arizona plates.”

Chris pumped his fist. “Awesome! And there’s another sign for that Burger King! We’re on C already!”

Suddenly, Eddie felt a slight vibration where his thigh rested against the center console. Buck was drumming his hands against the dashboard in excitement, turning back to Chris as he pointed out his side of the windshield. 

“That car’s a Corolla!”

“Good job, Bucky! Dad, do you think we’ll see a Dead End sign?”

Eddie laughed along with Buck, locking eyes with the man next to him before turning his attention back to the road.

“Probably not on the highway, bud. Don’t worry though, the three of us have got this.”

Chris clapped his hands, asserting that they were the _Best! Team! Ever!_ before squinting out of his window, mumbling about Dunkin’ Donuts. 

Eddie was inclined to agree. 

They got to the letter M - “Speed Limit signs are the best for L, Bucky!” - by the time Eddie took pity on Buck and pulled into a rest stop under the guise of needing more gas. They definitely had enough to make the last half hour, but Buck’s leg had started jiggling again fifteen minutes ago, despite Chris’s best efforts to keep him entertained. 

Buck leapt out of the truck, practically running to the back seat to help Chris out. 

“Alright boys, bathroom break! I’m gonna stay here to fill up - be back in 5 minutes, and you know the rule, no snacks. We only have about 30 minutes until we’re at the hotel, and we’ll eat when we get there.”

There were twin pouts directed at him - the gas station looked to be well stocked - but Buck hoisted Chris onto his hip. 

“Ok buddy, you heard your dad. Time to learn who can pee fastest!”

Chris’s giggles drifted in and out of the unoccupied pumps as Buck ran them both to the building, the faint jingle that sounded when they stepped through the door making its way to Eddie in the stillness of the evening. The sun was setting, and his stomach rumbled. He briefly considered sneaking a few strips of beef jerky, but knew he wouldn’t hear the end of it from Buck and Chris.

The store bell dinged again just as he was putting the nozzle back in its place. His eyebrows jumped to his hairline when he looked up at the approaching duo, glancing back and forth between Buck and the plastic bag hanging from his arm.

“Ok, I know what you’re thinking.” They were still at least 20 feet away, but Buck’s voice carried through the quiet. “We just bought some waters - Chris is thirsty!”

Eddie rolled his eyes. Buck wasn’t wrong - the water bottles they’d brought with them were either empty or warm from the sun. He turned back toward the truck, ready to get going, but was stopped by the guilty look on Buck’s face as he shuffled from foot to foot outside of the passenger door after getting Chris settled.

Eddie once again found himself looking toward the sky and counting his breaths before turning back to Buck, trying not to look too stern. “What else did you buy, Buck?”

“Okay, so we might have grabbed a couple of snacks - crackers, jerky, fruit snacks - but I made sure Chris knows they’re not for _now_. You said nothing before dinner - I know that. These are for the rest of the weekend! I know weddings are super busy and you never know what you’ll be able to get at a hotel vending machine and I wanted to make sure we had a back up and-”

He was cut off by the sound of Eddie’s door closing.

“Get in the car Buck, we gotta get going. This last half hour isn’t going to drive itself!”

Buck didn’t move for a moment, staring through the window at Eddie’s wry smile before the words caught up with him and he jumped into the passenger seat, settling the bag at his feet.

“You’re forgiven, Buck, _if,_ ” Buck’s eyes were wide when his eyes snapped up to meet Eddie’s, “you pass me one of those strips of jerky. I’m _starving._ ”

Buck’s fear relaxed into a lazy smile as Chris’s laughter filled the truck. 

“Daddy, no snacks! You said!”

“Yeah well, maybe I changed my mind-”

“You mean your _stomach_ changed your mind.”

Eddie glared at Buck. 

“Interrupt me again and you won’t get a snack!”

“ _I m_ the one who bought them, Eddie!”

Christopher cleared his throat, and both men turned to look back at him. 

“Since I’m not fighting with Daddy, can I have a cracker please?” He held his hand out expectantly.

Eddie laughed. “Of course you can, mijo. But just one! To hold us over until we get to the hotel.”

Buck dug through the snacks, bag rustling, before he pulled out a pack of peanut butter crackers, passing them back to Chris. “Aha! Here, we’ll split a pack, Chris. One for each of us.”

“Can Bucky have a cracker, Dad?” The smirk on Chris’s face betrayed the innocence in his tone, his smile growing when at Buck’s indignant sputtering. 

“I dunno Chris, do you think he’s been good?”

“I am a _grown man_ -”

“Sure you are.” Eddie patted Buck’s knee. He turned back to wink at Chris. “What do you say, Christopher?”

“I think Bucky can have a cracker, even though he makes you tired sometimes.” He opened the package and took one for himself before passing it back to Buck.

“I see how it is - I signed up for a weekend of being roasted by various Diazes, didn’t I?”

Eddie squeezed Buck’s knee, ducking down to catch his eye. Buck’s smile and small nod reassured him that Chris’s words hadn’t cut deeper than intended. He held Buck’s gaze as he spoke.

“Buck doesn’t really make me tired, kiddo. It’s just teasing, you know that, right?”

Chris mumbled a noise of affirmation around a mouthful of peanut butter and crumbs. Eddie patted Buck’s knee one more time before leaning across his lap to reach the bag between Buck’s feet, sifting through the contents - _how many snacks did Buck think they needed?_ \- before finding the packet of beef jerky, surprised Buck had bought the Wild Heat flavor even though Eddie was the only one who could handle the spice.

It was only when he’d pulled himself back up to a seated position that Eddie noticed the flush crawling up Buck’s neck, the man pointedly avoiding his gaze from the passenger seat. Eddie ripped open the package and tore off a strip of the dried beef with his teeth, muttering something about hitting the road as he turned the key in the ignition and pulled out onto the now dark highway. Only 35 miles to go.

They’d been back on the road for no fewer than 10 minutes before Chris was asleep, crumbs scattered around his mouth, his neck poorly supported by his seat belt. The Frozen 2 soundtrack was still playing quietly, now on a heavy song about moving through hard times that Eddie remembered made Buck cry in the theater when they’d taken Chris to see the movie. Eddie leant over and switched from Buck’s Bluetooth to the radio, fiddling with the dial until something other than static came through. Eighties slow jams from an unknown station were a marginally better muted soundtrack than depressing Disney, at least.

“So, uh,” Bucks voice was soft, but still startled Eddie in the quiet of the cab. “What else do I need to know about this wedding? You said it’s your cousin, Lucía? And she’s getting married to Claire?”

Eddie smiled, unsurprised that Buck could easily recall the few details he had already shared. 

“Yeah, uh. This is actually the first gay wedding in the family, I think. They’re still doing the big Catholic thing - that’s why it’s out in Paso Robles, they were able to find a priest who was cool with it - but there’s been a frustrating amount of gossip and shit for the past few months. A few of my aunts and uncles aren’t coming.”

Buck frowned - family was always a sore spot for the both of them. “Is that why your parents aren’t coming? They don’t approve?”

Eddie sucked in a breath through his teeth, grip on the wheel tightening. “They blamed it on not being able to swing the travel - I have a lot of cousins so we all kind of pick and choose whose events we can make it to.” He glanced over at Buck before looking back out at his headlights cutting through the dark. “Honestly, though? I don’t know how they feel on this. They’ve always danced around it, never saying anything really shitty, but never really being...vocal? In their support either.”

“Oof, yeah. That is a big mood, my folks are kind of the same. Never shouted about the gays burning in Hell or anything, but there were comments about...waving a certain _private lifestyle_ in people’s faces.” When Eddie chanced another glance at his face, Buck’s back was rigid and he was glaring through the windshield. 

Buck’s shoulders relaxed as he turned back towards Eddie, a soft smile on his face. “You know you’re doing a great job, right? With Chris?” Eddie glanced back at his sleeping son in the rear view mirror, his chest swelling. “He knows how important love and kindness are, and that there are so many different ways to care about people.”

Eddie huffed out a self-deprecating laugh. “Don’t paint me as a saint, Buck. I fuck up at being a parent every day.”

Buck frowned, fiddling with his seat belt belt before looking at Eddie with a burning intensity in his gaze. “You really need to stop doing that. No one is a perfect parent - there’s no such _thing_. But it’s obvious to anyone who sees you with Christopher that you would do anything for your kid, that you’re doing your best to raise him to see the best in people, to be kind.”

Buck shrunk back into himself, playing with his seat belt again. “Don’t even think about saying that it’s obvious, or the bare minimum for being a Dad or whatever.” Buck’s voice was soft. “Too many people don’t get that.”

If Buck noticed that Eddie’s eyes were a bit glassy, he didn’t say anything. They just sat together, enveloped in a comfortable silence, reflecting on shitty childhoods and doing better by Chris.

“In a quarter mile, take Exit 278 towards Paso Robles.”

They both jumped as the robotic voice of the GPS broke the moment, Buck letting slip a whispered _Jesus fuck!_ , immediately whipping around to make sure Chris hadn’t heard. Eddie flicked on his blinker and looked over his shoulder, shifting to the right lane.

“Finally, looks like we’ll be there in 10.” He tapped on his phone a few times where it was mounted on the dashboard, focusing on the directions now that they were off of the highway. “Buck, can you do a quick search for food around here? Drive thru will probably be easiest, I don’t want to wake Christopher yet.”

“Already on it, there’s an In-N-Out about three minutes before the hotel.” Buck took over the Bluetooth, directions already queued up. “Not the healthiest choice, but it’s quick.”

Eddie grinned, unsurprised that he and Buck were on the same wavelength yet again. He was so ready to get some food in him, to get out of this truck, to be in a _bed_. 

As if triggered by his thoughts alone, Eddie lifted his hand to cover up a massive yawn.

Buck laughed, pointing at the clock. “It’s not even eight, old ma-” He was cut off by a yawn of his own. “Son of a bitch, that’s your fault.”

Eddie grinned as he turned into the drive thru, rattling off their usual order. Buck was already cleaning up the few wrappers and empty bottles that had collected over the past three hours, clearing out the cup holders for their drinks and draping his sweatshirt across his lap in preparation to hold their bags of food between here and the hotel.

Eddie pushed away the fuzzy feelings of domesticity that were creeping past the locked door in his brain. He didn’t have time to spiral about this, not this weekend. He needed to save all of his energy to survive his family.

He patted his pockets for his wallet once they pulled up to the pay window, not sure where he had put it after their stop for gas. Shit. He flashed a tight smile to the cashier.

“Just a second, I seem to have misplaced my-”

Buck’s arm shot past him as he leaned across Eddie’s body, seat belt unbuckled, keeping himself from toppling over with his left hand braced dangerously high on Eddie’s thigh. Buck handed the cashier Eddie’s card with a wink before leaning back a bit, the heat of his hand still warm through Eddie’s travel sweats. 

“Your wallet was inside the center console, like always.” Buck seemed to realize how close they still were once he turned to speak to Eddie, his mouth only a couple of inches from Eddie’s eye. He shifted all the way back into his own seat, busying himself with lifting the lid on the console between their seats, revealing Eddie’s wallet.

“You, uh -” Buck cleared his throat. “You really need to stop leaving it in here. You somehow never remember.”

Eddie was focused on the blush dusted across Buck’s cheeks when he heard a cough from his left. 

“Sir.” He turned back to his window, embarrassment heavy in his stomach at being caught. The cashier rolled their eyes, reaching back out to hand Eddie his card. “Please pull up to the next window.”

Eddie drove up to get their food, passing it over to Buck, who worked on getting everything settled in a place that wouldn’t result in something spilling during the three minute drive to the hotel. Eddie took the moment to close his eyes and breathe. 

How was he going to survive a whole weekend of this?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, welcome to the _first_ scene that bumps us up to that Explicit rating.

“How can I help you this evening, sir?”

Eddie turned from where he had been watching Buck with a still very sleepy Chris on his hip, his son’s arm elbow deep in the paper bag that Buck had angled toward him, munching on fries. He took a step forward to chat with the woman at the front desk.

“Ah, yes. I have a reservation under Diaz?”

She - _Katie_ , if her name tag was to be believed - gave him an unimpressed look, and it took a second before it hit him. Right. Half of the hotel was booked up for a _Diaz wedding_.

“Hah, yeah, you probably need more than that. Eddie Diaz. It’ll probably be under Edmundo?”

He heard a snort from Buck behind him and kicked out blindly as he passed along his credit card and ID, his wallet safely in his pocket now. He realized as he heard a delayed _thump_ that he’d connected with his suitcase instead of his target of Buck’s shin. Chris’s laughter joined Buck’s at that point, even the hotel employee doing her best to hide a smirk as she asked how many keys they would need. 

“Two each should be fine, thanks,” Eddie mumbled as he closed his eyes and put his head in his hands. He passed the keys back to Buck, who was gracious enough to lift Eddie’s suitcase back onto its wheels.

“You’re all set! The wifi password is on the desk in your room, complimentary breakfast goes from 7 til 10, and checkout is at noon. Please don’t hesitate to call if you have any further questions, and enjoy your stay!”

Eddie thanked her and turned around to tell Buck and Christopher that they’re good to go, but they were nowhere to be found. He looked around wildly before turning back to the desk employee. She looked up from where she was writing in a notebook, taking one look at his lost expression before gesturing down over his shoulder.

“They were headed toward the elevators - down that hallway to the left. You’re on the 5th floor - 521 and 523.”

He thanked her again before following her directions to the elevators where he was relieved to see two familiar faces, still waiting for a ride up to their floor. Chris giggled when he came up behind them and whacked Buck on the back of the head, startling him enough that he almost dropped his bag.

“That’s for not waiting for me. Rude.”

The elevator chose that moment to appear with a ding, so Buck just stuck his tongue out at Eddie over his shoulder as he maneuvered all of their luggage into the small space, Chris and Eddie squeezing in behind him. Chris pressed the button for level 5 with gusto, excited that they were on a floor that was within his reach.

Their rooms were next to each other. Adjoining, actually, which Chris found thrilling, opening the interior door in his and Eddie’s room and knocking excitedly until Buck opened his own with an exaggerated look of confusion and a “Now who could this be?”. Chris erupted into giggles and immediately darted around Buck’s legs to explore his room, entertained at the novelty even though it was a mirror image of their own.

Eddie laughed as he heaved his suitcase onto the bed, wanting to get the unpacking over with. He pulled the garment bag holding his and Christopher’s suits from the bag, turning to hang them in the closet for now - already dreading the ironing but deciding it was a problem for future Eddie - when he stopped to stare at the scene through the open doorway.

Chris was sitting cross legged in the middle of the queen-sized bed, holding a remote in one hand and his burger in the other, flicking through channels on the TV that was out of Eddie’s line of vision. What had caught his attention, though, was the sight of Buck sprawled out longways across the bed behind Chris, head propped up on his hand. He was laughing at something Chris said, gesturing at the television with a handful of fries, arm stretched over Chris’s shoulder. It was the unmissable fondness in his eyes that had drawn Eddie’s gaze. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Buck so relaxed. 

He moved on from Buck’s face, taking in the strip of skin above his waistband where his shirt had come untucked. Eddie continued on down the long, long plane of Buck’s legs before blinking suddenly, not realizing until the world came back into focus that everything had gone a bit fuzzy around the edges. He should probably eat something.

He shook his head and turned back to the suitcase, hoping for a distraction but knowing that the methodical action of unpacking wasn’t going to be enough to quiet his brain. He closed the door halfway as he passed by it on the way to the dresser - maybe minimizing the view would help reverse the blush that he could feel across the back of his neck.

The gap in the door wasn’t enough to block out the noise of the TV, or the recognizable giggles and throaty chuckle that mixed with the laugh track. Eddie knew he couldn’t shut the door completely, that Buck and Chris would immediately notice. He settled for letting out a quiet groan, letting his head fall back against the wall as he gripped a pair of rolled up socks like a stress ball.

“Everything alright in there?”

Buck’s voice shocked him out of his wallowing. His thick skull must have made a louder noise than he thought.

“Yup! Just hooked my ankle on the dresser and caught myself on the wall. I’m fine!”

Eddie widened the gap in the door again, enough to stick his head through. He steadily looked somewhere over Buck’s shoulder and willed himself to school his expression into something resembling normal.

“I’m actually going to go ahead and take a quick shower. I need to get the road trip grossness off of me. Don’t eat all of the fries, I’ll eat when I’m out!”

Buck opened his mouth to say something, probably to call him out about how a three hour car ride did _not_ constitute a road trip, but he just gave Eddie a weird look and nodded. Chris didn’t even look away from the screen.

Eddie pulled back and fully closed the door, leaning back against it and taking a moment to breathe. One breath in, count to 5. Exhale, count to 5. He’s sure Frank didn’t anticipate his tips to be applied in this situation.

Walking back to his bag to grab his toiletries, Eddie pulled off his shirt and threw it on the bed. He felt suddenly exposed, even though the door was closed. Even though Buck had seen his bare chest countless times. 

He stood still for a second before snapping into action, grabbing a change of clothes and stalking to the bathroom and shutting the door, no longer feeling phantom eyes on him as he finished stripping down. The water heated up quickly, and he almost slipped in his haste to get under the spray. He looked around before realizing that his shampoo from home was still in a Ziploc with his toothbrush and razor on the sink, out of reach. Eddie rolled his eyes before squeezing what he could out of one of the tiny complimentary bottles of 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, lathering up his scalp before watching the suds swirl down the drain. 

He could only hope that the layer of anxiety and discomfort that had settled over him was being washed away too.

_Pull it together, Diaz._

They had a relaxing but long day. They treated Abuela and Pepa to brunch at a diner in town - Eddie would have been _fine_ with hotel breakfast, but Buck almost fainted when he suggested it. Chris then insisted on swimming in the hotel pool until they were all exhausted and pruny. Buck splurged on room service, the three of them devouring their burgers and fries before napping in a pile on Buck’s bed, Eddie not realizing they had fallen asleep in their swim trunks until he woke up on top of the covers, arm thrown across Chris, hand resting on Buck’s bare chest, still warm from the sun. He extracted himself from the pile of limbs, convincing himself that his shower was just to get the chlorine smell off in preparation for the rehearsal dinner. The chilly temperature was just to wake himself up. 

That was hours ago, though. 

Now, Eddie was plenty awake. 

He had been fast asleep, had passed out not long after making it back up to their rooms with Buck, drunk and stumbling against the door. They had both lost their ties sometime during the rehearsal dinner, unbuttoned their collars to combat the warmth brought on by the celebratory rounds of shots at the hotel bar. 

Chris had left them before the rehearsal dinner had migrated to the bar, overjoyed at the prospect of a hotel sleepover with one of his cousins. Eddie had been glad for the opportunity to let loose that night, more than he had in a while. 

He had hidden his stares behind the acceptable veneer of being drunk, reveling in the freedom to appreciate the view while everyone else was too out of it to notice. Well, maybe not everyone. Buck had caught his gaze more than once, cheeks heating up as he looked away and continued dancing with any Diaz who would take him on the dance floor. It had made jealousy burn hot in Eddie’s gut, at least until Buck had returned to their tall table from the dance floor, sweaty and smiling. 

They’d been ushered back upstairs then, the Maid of Honor reminding everyone that she would kick all of their asses if anyone showed up hungover to the ceremony tomorrow. Eddie and Buck had managed to get their own elevator, air thick with silence as they leaned in opposite corners and refused to look at each other. Well, they’d refused to look each other in the eye - Eddie had kept stealing quick glances at his best friend, hair disheveled and face flushed. If he didn’t know better, he would’ve sworn he felt Buck’s eyes on him too.

They’d managed to find their doors, just sober enough to know to keep quiet as they stumbled down the hotel hallway. Buck had stared at him once he’d fished out his key, looking like he had something to say on the tip of his tongue before shaking his head, whispering a quick ‘good night’ before going into his room.

Eddie had stood in the hallway a moment longer, eyes closed as he leaned back against the door to collect himself. He’d sighed before pulling his own key card out of his pocket, having to insert and remove it a few times before he triggered the mechanism to unlock the door. He’d stripped down to his boxers in the dark, stumbling around the room before making to the bed and immediately passing out.

That had been - he looked at the too-bright clock on the nightstand - less than an hour ago. Why the hell was he awake?

He took in the stillness of the room, dark and silent except for the hum of the AC. He almost drifted back off again, except-

He was suddenly very aware of two things.

One, the hotel walls were nowhere near soundproof.

Two, he was incredibly hard. 

He froze in fear, not daring to breathe as the realization washed over him. He was refusing to connect the dots, pushing them further and further apart in his mind to keep them from becoming linked, until he heard another moan - louder this time - coming from Buck’s room.

A shiver ran down Eddie’s spine. His hand moved down to his boxers, almost of its own volition. 

He laid as still as possible, straining to hear anything from the room next to his, stroking himself slowly in anticipation. If he really focused, he could hear the bed springs squeaking faintly, but the sounds of the AC drowned out everything else.

Without really planning for it, he was suddenly out of the bed, flicking on the dim bedside lamp. He squinted at the light, eyes adjusting, before tiptoeing toward the adjoining door. He needed to get off, and he knew it wouldn’t happen tonight without Buck’s help.

Eddie slowly turned the knob for the door, not letting out his breath until he had inched it open a crack without making a sound. There was still Buck’s door in the way, though Eddie jerked himself faster at the thought of being caught in the act, of Buck’s eyes snapping up to meet his as they were mere feet apart, flushed, with their hands on their dicks.

He leaned back against the wall next to the doorway, immediately rewarded for his plan by another moan from Buck’s room, louder than before now that there was only one door between them. Eddie was so close and Buck had no idea. He bit down on his fist to contain the noises that were threatening to burst from deep in his chest, afraid he would give himself away. He tried to stay focused on being quiet as he let go of his cock to spit in his hand, the change in friction a sweet relief.

Buck’s moans were getting louder and more frequent, the squeaking of the bed becoming more erratic. Eddie couldn’t help but picture it, Buck sprawled on his back, long legs spread so wide that they almost reached opposite sides of the bed. Working himself open with the fingers of one hand while the other was wrapped around his leaking cock. If the door was open Eddie would have a perfect view, facing the bed head on. It would only be a few steps to the bed where he would pull Buck to him, replace Buck’s fingers with Eddie’s aching cock - 

The AC clicked off just as Buck let out a groan that bordered on a shout, the sound of it in the sudden silence pushing Eddie over the edge. He couldn’t hold back his own moan as his orgasm shook through him, his head hitting the wall as he came. 

He was brought back to reality as a wave of anxiety hit him. He slapped a hand over his mouth to quiet his jagged breaths. 

_Fuck_. 

_Had Buck heard him?_

He slowly sunk down to the floor, still leaning against the wall, listening for any sounds from Buck’s room. He knew he should clean himself up, get back into bed and pretend to be asleep, but he was frozen in place. 

Silence.

Eddie let out his breath and slipped his boxers back over his hips, crawling toward the bathroom. Pulling himself up to a standing position, he flicked on the light, immediately squeezing his eyes shut against the bright fluorescents bouncing off of the white tile. 

As he wet a washcloth and started cleaning himself off, he stared at his haggard reflection in the mirror. He needed to go back to sleep. He couldn’t freak out about this now. The wedding was tomorrow.

He turned the lights back off and collapsed back onto the bed with a groan, shifting around to try to get comfortable. As the AC switched back on, the steady hum filling the room once again, part of Eddie wondered - hoped - that this was all a really vivid dream.

Because if it wasn’t? That line he had carefully constructed?

He’d blown right past it at 100 miles per hour.

From his place in the hallway, Eddie could hear a wall of voices wash through the opening doors, the chattering dying down quickly once the first notes from the organist rang out throughout the church. Eddie couldn’t see the altar yet, but from their rehearsal the day before, he knew that the priest would now be entering out of a side door before settling behind her podium. That was their cue to start the slow process of moving the wedding party from the top of the aisle to their places at the front. 

Before he knew it, it was his turn to step through the doors, one of Claire’s cousins clinging to his arm. He tried to keep his expression in check, remembering Lucía’s threats about what she would do to him if his resting bitch face ruined the wedding video. He felt his smile relax into something more genuine when he caught Abuela’s eye as they passed her row, her handkerchief already wet with tears before her granddaughter even entered the room. 

It wasn’t until Eddie reached his place on his family’s side of the church that he saw Buck and Christopher. He thought his heart might burst. Buck and Chris had been at the pool again when Eddie had gotten dressed and driven over to the church to meet the rest of the wedding party. They’d ridden over with Abuela nearly an hour later, so Eddie hadn’t seen them all cleaned up. Chris looked so grown up in his new suit, standing on top of the pew to be able to see over the many adults in front of him. 

And Buck.

Eddie’s mouth went dry.

Buck had both of his hands on Chris’s waist, holding him steady where he stood on the bench. He wore a deep blue suit that was tailored to perfection - even from a distance Eddie could see how well it hit the cut of his shoulders, his biceps faintly visible as his arms were bent to stabilize Christopher. The light pink of his dress shirt contrasted sharply against the blue of his jacket. Eddie couldn’t quite make out the details of the pattern on Buck’s tie from this far away, but the swirls of color on a navy background looked good with the rest of his outfit.

Buck looked _good_.

Eddie closed his eyes briefly, willing himself to think about _anything else_ while he was standing in front of a few hundred people. Despite the fact that they were at a queer wedding to begin with, the blasphemy of thirsting over his _very male_ best friend while in a _church_ was not lost on him.

Catholic guilt was not easily unlearned. 

The ceremony was long. He’d known it would be, had been to enough family weddings to get a sense of what to expect, even if he and Shannon had done the courthouse thing (against the wishes of both their sets of parents, but they figured they were already getting the cold shoulder about the pregnancy, so there wasn’t much to lose). The church was warm, and Eddie found himself shifting his weight between his feet before the vows had even started. He could feel himself growing more and more jealous of Chris, gently dozing where he was tucked in against Buck’s ribs. What he wouldn’t give to be a kid again in this moment, absolved of any judgement around whether or not a wedding was an appropriate place for a nap.

His eyes moved over to Buck, trying to keep a straight face even though he knew most eyes in the room were (hopefully) on Lucia and Claire instead of him. Buck had his arm wrapped around Chris, which always made Eddie’s chest tighten, and he appeared to be fighting against a nap himself, eyes half lidded. Eddie had a feeling that, even though Buck’s gaze was on the happy couple, he wasn’t really seeing them. 

Many tears and a pretty risque kiss later, Lucia and Claire were heading back down the aisle hand in hand. Eddie filed out behind them with the rest of the wedding party, everyone gathering out on the lawn. He really wanted to hang back to meet up with Buck and Christopher, but he knew they had about a million pictures to get through before he was free of his duties for the night. 

He pulled out his phone as the photographer was busy staging a photo of the immediate families, knowing this could take a while. He shot Buck a text that he’d see them back at the hotel for the reception.

**_Don’t worry, I’ll hoard some champagne for you._ **

Eddie rolled his eyes and grinned at his phone.

_You’re a saint. Never let me get married, ok? This is a nightmare._

He was pulled into several rounds of pictures, no chance to check his phone again with the camera on him, and it was almost an hour later before everyone besides the happy couple and their parents and siblings were dismissed. 

Eddie made it back to his truck, sinking into his seat in exhaustion before remembering that his phone had vibrated a few times. They’re all texts from Buck.

**_*six crying-while-laughing emojis*_ **

**_Don’t worry man, if we’re single when we’re 40 we’ll just marry each other in Vegas or something. Take the prospect of lengthy weddings fully off the table._ **

Eddie’s eyes unfocused for a moment as he was hit with the image of Buck in a tux next to an Elvis impersonator, a few more laugh lines around his eyes, grinning down at Eddie. 

He blinked away the fantasy. Buck was joking. Obviously.

Eddie scrolled down to the photo that Buck had sent of him, Chris, Abuela, and Pepa at a table with a few of his other family members. Buck’s jacket was draped over the empty seat next to him, and his tie was nowhere to be found, the first two buttons of his shirt opened to reveal the smooth plane of his neck and collarbone.

Eddie huffed out a breath through his nose, stopping his indecent train of thought in its tracks. Buck was tipsy - there were more than a few empty champagne glasses scattered around the table. That was all this was.

He sent back a response before sitting up fully and turning the key in the ignition. He was starving, and he could really use a drink - two things that he could resolve by heading back to the hotel for the reception. He undid his own tie with one hand while pulling out onto the road, focusing on safely driving through an unknown town to keep his mind off of the text he had sent. His phone pinged with a response that he chose to ignore, turning off his phone with one hand without looking at it, knowing his battery was almost dead.

_Haha, this may be hard to believe for a child like you, but 40 isn’t all that far away for me._

**_Oh, I know ;)_ **


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all love reading Lucia as much as I loved writing her.

Eddie headed straight up to the bar when he made it to the hotel ballroom, barely taking in the floral arrangements and the soft glow of the fairy lights as he wove between tables full of guests as he searched for his family, two whiskies in hand. 

Buck’s eyebrows jumped to his hairline when he took in the beverages that Eddie was holding when he finally spotted their table and made his way toward the empty seat.

“Photos were that bad, huh?” Buck grabbed the glasses from Eddie’s hands, placing them on the table so Eddie was free to collapse into his chair with all of the drama he could muster.

“I never want to say the word  _ cheese _ again. Hey!” Buck had claimed one of the glasses of whiskey as his own, taking a slow sip of the amber liquid, quirking his eyebrow at Eddie in a challenge.

“Hard liquor before dinner already sounds like a recipe for disaster - I know you’ve only eaten a handful of crackers and jerky since breakfast, and that was hours ago.” He was unfazed by the glare that Eddie directed toward him. “You’re welcome, by the way, I told you the snacks were a good idea.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes and picked up his own drink, hiding his gaze behind the lip of the glass. Buck was always a pretty open guy, but there was something about how loose and comfortable Buck was while teasing him, surrounded by Eddie’s family, that made something stir in Eddie’s gut. 

He was torn from his thoughts by the arrival of Claire and Lucia, the pair hamming up their entrance, bolstered by the cheers reverberating around the room. Claire was in the same stunning ensemble they had worn to the ceremony, the fitted pants of the jumpsuit contrasting gorgeously with the tasteful floral embroidery that made up the sheer bodice, the matching train from earlier removed in preparation for dancing. It almost glowed against their dark skin.

Lucia had unsurprisingly changed out of her classic princess gown, looking absolutely striking in a wide-legged white jumpsuit with dramatic shoulders, a plunging neckline, and an open back. Her hair was now pulled up into an intricate updo, much less to deal with than the flowing waves she had sported during the ceremony.

Eddie noticed they had both changed into white sneakers as well, and kicked himself for not bringing a change of shoes. His toes were already tingling a bit from being pinched by his dress shoes for hours. 

The next hour passed quickly, a whirlwind of good food and embarrassing toasts. Eddie fealt pleasantly full a little buzzed when he looked around the table, Tia Pepa and Abeula quietly talking with his Tio Marco about his kids, cooing over pictures of Marisol’s new baby boy. A slice of cake was placed in front of him as Buck and Chris took their seats on either side of him.

“Dude, that dessert table is insane.” Buck’s plate was piled high with what looked like a sample of every possible pastry from the table across the room.

“They have a  _ chocolate fountain _ , Dad! Can I have one for my next birthday party?” Chris took a bite out of a strawberry that was sitting in a pool of chocolate, nothing on his plate safe from the stuff. “Mmmmmm!”

Eddie leant over with his napkin to wipe off the splotch of chocolate already on Chris’s cheek. “We’ll see, buddy. We have plenty of time to talk about it.” He wasn’t sure all of Christopher’s classmates’ parents would appreciate him introducing their kids to the hidden wonders of a chocolate fountain, if Chris’s response was anything to go by.

They were all busy digging into their cake when Lucia and Claire approached their table, looking happy but exhausted from making small talk with all of their guests.

“Babe, I know you’ve met my Abuela a few times. This is Tia Pepa, Tia Sofía, and her husband, Tio Marco.”

Claire smiled politely at the adults at the table, thanking them for coming out to celebrate. Eddie could tell that they probably wouldn’t remember anyone’s name once they and Lucia moved on to the next table, but Claire did a solid job patiently answering questions about their own family and honeymoon plans.

“And this is my cousin, Eddie.” Eddie smiled around a mouthful of cake. “He’s the one I told you about, who peed on the tree when we were kids?”

Eddie choked on his swallow, Buck immediately pounding him on the back and passing him Chris’s cup of water, biting his lip to keep from laughing. He caught his breath before glaring up at his cousin, mischief glinting in her eyes.

“Uncalled for, Lucia! Do you really want to play that game?” He narrowed his eyes, a nasty smile stretching across his lips. “You know, I distinctly remember walking in on your Barbie dolls in some  _ very _ compromising posit-”

Suddenly, Buck’s hand was over his mouth, muffling the rest of his sentence. Eddie licked it instinctively, not realizing what he’d done until Buck had pulled back, wiping his hand on Eddie’s cheek.

“Gross, dude! Are you two like this all the time?” Eddie grabbed a napkin to wipe the saliva off of his cheek, sticking his tongue out at Buck. “It’s her wedding day - she’s allowed to tease you without you punching back.”

“And who is this, Eddie? I  _ like _ him.” Lucia’s expression was smug, and Claire rolled their eyes and muttered something about the competitive Diaz streak before kissing their wife on the cheek.

“That’s my Bucky! He’s my best friend. He’s a firefighter like Daddy!” Eddie looked fondly at Chris, never quite expecting his level of excitement when introducing Buck to anyone who will listen.

Lucia’s eyes lit up as she looked Buck up and down, vaguely threatening. “Oh, so  _ you’re _ the famous Buck that my Abuela won’t shut up about.” She looked back and forth between Eddie and Buck, opening her mouth, a knowing look in her eye. “I see what you mean about him being pretty, Abuela, and I don’t even  _ like  _ boys.”

“O-kay. We’re done here.” Claire rolled their eyes, shooting apologetic looks at Buck and Eddie before dragging their wife away from the table. “I want to  _ dance _ , but we have a few more tables to talk to before I’m allowed to. You can play matchmaker later.”

Eddie avoided everyone’s eyes, opting to busy himself with his second whiskey, swirling the ice in his glass.

Chris tugged on his sleeve. “Daddy, I have to go to the bathroom.”

_ Oh thank god! _

“I’ll take him!” Buck was on his feet and handing Christopher his crutches, eager to leave Eddie behind with his traitorous grandmother.

Coward.

He could feel the telltale warmth at the tips of his ears even before he caught Abuela's knowing look, her lips pursed as she held back a laugh. He’d be fooling himself if he tried to blame his blush on the alcohol.

He folded his arms across his chest, steeling himself for a battle that he knew deep down he would lose, but he was saved once again by a well-timed interruption.

“Everyone please turn your attention to the dance floor for Claire and Lucia’s first dance as a married couple!”

The first few bars of the song drifted out across the hall, Sara Bareilles’ crooning vocals weaving around the swaying pair in the middle of the dance floor, eyes only for each other.

By the time they reach the chorus, other couples have started to migrate out to the floor, wrapped up in the moment, Tia Sofía and Tio Marco joining them.

_ Tell the world that we finally got it all right _

_ I choose _

_ You _

_ I will become yours and you will become mine _

_ I choose _

_ You _

Eddie gazed wistfully out into the sea of couples, leaning back in his chair and downing the rest of his glass of whiskey. He felt a little fuzzy, deciding to grab some water from the bar.

The DJ had cycled through a couple more songs by the time Eddie returned to the table, Buck and Christopher back from the bathroom and chatting with Abuela. Tia Pepa was nowhere to be found.

“Yout tia wasn’t feeling well. She headed back up to her room.” Eddie nodded at his abuela’s explanation. It had been a long day - he didn’t blame her for needing to rest. 

_ I do my hair toss _

_ Check my nails _

_ Baby how you feelin'? _

_ Feeling good as hell _

Buck’s eyes lit up as the song changed. “This is my jam!” He jumped up and lifted a squealing Chris out of his seat. “This song was on repeat for like a month after Abby. And...again after Ali, too, huh.”

He frowned for a moment but shook his head, his smile widening again. “C’mon Chris, we’re going to dance. Eddie, wanna come?”

Eddie usually couldn’t resist Buck’s puppy dog eyes, especially while Chris was on his hip, but he wasn’t in the mood to dance just yet. “You go ahead. I’ll join you in a bit.”

He watched Chris and Buck find a space on the dance floor, hands clasped as they both twisted back and forth, Buck far from the only person in the crowd singing along to the song, Chris laughing at how over the top Buck was.

_ IIf he don’t love you anymore _

_ Then walk your fine ass out the door _

Eddie was glad they were too caught up to look back at him, sure his face betrayed the fondness in his chest. At least he was alone, finally free to let them mask slip-

“He’s a good boy, nieto.”

Eddie jumped - he’d completely forgotten that Abuela was still at the table. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, Chris is great.”

Abuela’s gaze was piercing, Eddie shrinking under it. “Yes, my great-grandson is wonderful, but I know you know that’s not who I meant.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Abuela.” His words came out strangled, and he tugged at his collar as she  _ tsk’d  _ at him. “Anyway, I need to use the restroom. Be right back!”

He sped to the hallway, weaving in and out of tables and guests. It hadn’t been a lie, per se - he did have to go. Just maybe not with the urgency he’d expressed.

Once he’d washed his hands, he splashed some water on his face, hoping it would help calm the flush spread across his skin. There were a lot of people here - it was hot. That was all.

He almost made it back to the table when he noticed Lucia in Tia Pepa’s chair, head bent, whispering with Abuela. He turned slowly, hoping to escape back to the bar.

“Get your ass back here,  _ Edmundo _ . I know you aren’t trying to avoid me on my  _ wedding day _ .”

His shoulders jumped up to his ears before sinking back down in resignation. He closed the remaining distance and sat back in his chair, arms crossed, as ready as he could be for the interrogation. “How long are you going to use that excuse, Lu?”

His cousin didn’t bat an eye. “Hm, I think probably for the 24 hours that encompass my fucking wedding day,  _ Ed _ .”

He bristled at the nickname - it wasn’t even the same! They’d all called her Lu as kids! No one had called him  _ Ed _ . He wiped a hand across his face, trying to tamp down the arguments that had leapt to his tongue. He’d fought enough with his younger cousin over the years to know that riling Lucia up was never the right move. 

“Ok, what do you want to talk about?” It was still a bit sharp when it passed his lips, but honestly, better than he expected. Reigning in their tempers was not a skill that the Diaz family had a great grasp on.

Lucia and Abuela somehow managed to roll their eyes in unison. It was kind of creepy. Not to mention, it made him feel about two inches tall.

“It’s my-”

“You’re  _ wedding day _ , we know.”

Lucia glared at him. “ _ Exactly. _ Do you think I want to spend it dealing with your bullshit? Don’t waste my time here, Eddie.”

He narrowed his eyes and kept his mouth shut, refusing to give in.

Lucia threw her hands up in the air. “Oh my  _ god _ , why are all men so damn stubborn.”

“Especially in this family.” Abuela let out an exasperated sigh.

“ _ Hey _ ! I’m right  _ here _ !”

“Oh, we’re very aware that you’re sitting at this table instead of dancing with your son and that gorgeous man who’s in love with you for some reason. It’s definitely not because you’re good at talking about your feelings.”

Eddie choked on his tongue. He had to give her credit, Lucia didn’t beat around the bush. 

The fear that had settled in his gut must have been visible somewhere on his face because Lucia softened her gaze, just a bit, a rare hint of sympathy breaking through.

“C’mon Eddie, why won’t you just talk to him?” She took his hand, squeezing it gently. “I know we tease a lot, but it’s because we can see how good this would be for you. How good  _ he  _ is for you.”

Eddie looked out at the sea of table, taking a minute to swallow around the lump in his throat. It hurt, because he knew she was right. If he unlocked the drawer that had his love for Buck tucked away, folded up and dusty from disuse, he knew that Buck was  _ great _ for him. And Christopher. That they’d been doing okay, just the two of them and Abuela and Pepa, before Buck came along. But then Buck had stepped into their lives, thrown open the metaphorical curtains to let in a light they’d forgotten was missing. 

But now that they had it, he clung to it, afraid to let it slip away. Now that he knew the warmth of the sunshine, he couldn’t risk being plunged into darkness again.

He turned back to the women across from him, as composed as he could be. The lump was still there, and his voice got caught maneuvering around it, the noise it made garnering more sympathetic looks. 

“I can’t lose him.” It came out in a whisper, but he knew they heard him. “I can’t do that to Chris. He’s already dealt with enough loss.”

Lucia squeezed his hand again, pulling his attention back to her face. Her face was soft despite the sharp eyeliner and imposing shoulder pads. He knew she was really listening.

“Eddie, don’t take this the wrong way, but- ” He stiffened. “Your situation isn’t exactly...unique.” He bit down the defensive retort that had sprung up from the most prickly part of his heart, wanting to shout - how  _ dare _ she minimize this, how much this hurt.

“I’m not saying that to downplay how you feel - your feelings are important and valid no matter how many people have been through this. I’m just -” She bit her lip and looked away, worrying away a smudge of impeccably painted crimson. “I never told you how Claire and I met, did I?”

Eddie was thrown by that change in subject, but knew that Lucia never said anything that wasn’t important, especially in conversations like this. He shook his head.

“I know you’ve known them since college, but you never told me more than that, no.”

Lucia looked down at her hands, twisting a corner of the linen tablecloth. Abuela reached over to pat her shoulder, changing course to rub at her back instead after realizing there was way too much fabric in the way.

“You’re right, I’ve known them since freshman year. We were roommates, actually.”

Eddie smiled. “Awww, that’s sweet!”

Lucia looked past him, focusing on her spouse on the dance floor, Claire looking radiant as they danced with their family and friends. “Yeah, it’s sweet now, in hindsight. A queer fucking right of passage, honestly. But at the time?” Her gaze came back around to meet Eddie’s. “Back then… it was miserable.”

Her eyes drifted somewhere past Eddie’s shoulder again, this time focusing on nothing in the room as she drifted through memory, a pained look on her face.

“Look, I’m not going to give you the whole novel. Partially because it’s not all my story to tell, and partially because it’s my  _ wedding day _ .” She smirked at him, sharing in the inside joke, but her eyes were still guarded. Eddie squeezed her hand this time.

“The Cliff’s Notes here are that it took us three years of being inseparable best friends to get together. We were both going through a lot of shit - it was college, self discovery and all that. I wasn’t out until sophomore year, Claire didn’t come out as nonbinary until - well, that was actually after we got together, but that’s beside the point.”

“I spent the better part of three years head over heels with my best friend, but I was too scared to say anything. To afraid it would push us apart, certain that living with that ache in my chest was worth it to have Claire in my life. And then -” Lucia’s eyes shone with unshed tears, refusing the napkin Eddie passed her way. The Diaz stubborn streak was formidable. “Then, I almost lost them. Again, not my shit, so we’ll leave it at that. But when I saw them in that hospital bed - god, Claire looked so small - I knew, I couldn’t go another day without saying how I felt. I couldn’t watch them  _ die _ without them knowing-”

Lucia shook her head and took a moment to breathe, taking a drink before continuing.

“Look, I know what you do is really fucking dangerous. I know that you know, more than anyone should, how short life is.”

A slideshow of images flash through his mind at his cousin’s words. Buck under a fire truck, bloody and broken. Buck vomiting blood. Buck after the tsunami. Buck in the hospital, again and again and again and-

” _ Tell him _ . The longer you wait, the less likely you are to have all of this.” She gestured all around them, and Eddie took in the space, let the joy of it all wash over him. He shifted in his chair as if on autopilot, eyes drawn to Buck’s dancing form like a magnet, a soft smile on Eddie’s face as he watched him twirling his son around on the dance floor.

He let himself imagine, for a fleeting moment, that all of these people were here celebrating them.

“Besides,” His eyes snapped back over to Lucia, who had taken his momentary distraction as an opportunity to compose herself, a wicked grin on her face as she got and walked over to take his face in his hands. “Don’t you want an opportunity to use  _ your _ wedding day as an excuse to tell me what to do?”

She kissed him on the forehead, squealing when he stood up and pulled her in for a tight hug. “Thank you,” he whispered into her temple. She patted him on the back before pulling away to look him sternly in the eye.

“Now go get your hunk of man meat,” he gaped at her as she started to walk away, stopping briefly to flash him a terrifying smile over her shoulder. “It can be my wedding present.”

He watched her make her way straight to Claire, hugging her partner from behind and swaying on the spot, pulling them as close as possible. Eddie turned to look at his abuela.

“Was she always that scary?”

Abuela didn’t even bat an eye, her patience gone. “Stop stalling and go talk to your Buck.”

Eddie’s eyes widened in shock - his abuela loved to meddle, sure, but she was usually a  _ little _ more subtle about it. He closed his eyes, took a breath, and turned toward the dance floor.

It was time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs in This Chapter:  
> I Choose You - Sara Bareilles  
> Good As Hell - Lizzo
> 
> Lucia's [Outfit](https://www.asos.com/us/asos-edition/asos-edition-plunge-wide-leg-jumpsuit-with-open-back/prd/14117339?affid=25249&_cclid=Google_CjwKCAjwxqX4BRBhEiwAYtJX7ftjM7h6vMUqGZkzKuJLou2z8uFDqr-Vib1kSEckNxsPxPIC3N-H6BoCaNIQAvD_BwE&channelref=product+search&mk=abc&ppcadref=10104919885%7c106779534692%7cpla-294682000766&cpn=10104919885&gclid=CjwKCAjwxqX4BRBhEiwAYtJX7ftjM7h6vMUqGZkzKuJLou2z8uFDqr-Vib1kSEckNxsPxPIC3N-H6BoCaNIQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)  
> Claire's [Outfit](https://sheerluxe.com/2020/07/01/what-wear-your-civil-wedding) (the first picture in the Jumpsuits section)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Saturday morning here, so have a nice, early update!

Eddie found Buck and Chris on a corner of the dance floor, Chris bopping his shoulders and giggling as Buck pretended to sing along to _Ain’t No Mountain High Enough_ into an invisible microphone. Eddie picked up the pace to make it next to Buck in time to join him, alternating holding a hand over his heart and while pointing at Chris.

_Ain't no mountain high enough_

_Ain't no valley low enough_

_Ain't no river wide enough_

_To keep me from getting to you babe_

Buck grinned over at Eddie as the song came to an end. 

“Look who finally decided to join us!” Buck’s arm was warm when he slung it over Eddie’s shoulder - he’d worked up a sweat dancing with a 9 year old.

“I couldn’t let my boys have all the fun, could I?”

Buck smirked at him, eyebrows raised. “Oh, from experience, I think you could. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you dance, Eddie.”

Ok, he had him there. Buck had been privy to dozens of nights at the bar, refusing to leave the table to join his friends on the dance floor, choosing instead to keep claim on their table with Bobby.

“Nuh-uh!” Chris protested, grabbing Eddie’s hand and pulling him away from Buck. “Daddy loves to dance with me! Watch!”

Eddie blushed and looked away from Buck as Chris planted his feet on top of Eddie’s, arms locked around Eddie’s waist to hold himself in place. He hugged his kid close, noting that he was almost too big for this. Eddie started lifting his feet one at a time in a slow rotation, eager to turn away from Buck’s teasing expression. The relief was short lived, a mere three steps taking him back to face Buck, not prepared for the inevitable glint in his eye. Eddie was surprised to see it replaced by something close to _fondness_. He wasn’t sure what to do with that. 

He felt a tug at his belt.

“Daddy! I’m gonna go dance with Abuela and JJ!” He stepped off of Eddie’s shoes - he was at once grateful and missing the contact - before grabbing his crutches from their place against the wall next to Buck, heading over to his grandmother and cousin. 

He looked up at Buck, still leaning against the wall, a smile playing along his lips.

“Your kid’s really good at proving me wrong, Diaz.”

He pushed off of the wall, stepping into Eddie’s space. They stared at each other for a moment, Eddie’s gaze jumping to the bob in his throat when Buck swallowed. Eddie blinked slowly and let out a slow breath.

It was now or never.

“Do you want to go get another slice of-”

“Dance with me.”

Buck’s question trailed off as he looked at Eddie, the fast paced beat surrounding them fading into a slow piano melody. 

Oh shit, he wasn’t saying anything. Eddie had fucked it up, had imagined something that was never there - _why_ had he let Lucia make him hope-

“Ok.”

Eddie’s head snapped up as Buck closed the rest of the distance between them, grasping Eddie’s right hand with his left and resting his other arm on Eddie’s waist. Eddie swallowed, biting his lip as he let his left arm wrap around to lay on Buck’s shoulder. They both tried to turn, Eddie pushing clockwise just as Buck nudged him the other way. 

“At least Chrisophter knows to let me lead.”

Buck snorted. 

“Hey, I’m the taller one here!”

“Yeah, by like, two inches!”

Eddie could _feel_ Buck’s chuckle as it reverberated against his own chest. He bit his lip as he looked sidelong at Buck, mesmerized by just how long his lashes were up close. They were still moving in a slow circle. Eddie’s arm was starting to cramp a little, the angle a little awkward.

“Can we just?” He let go of Buck’s hand, not missing the confused pout he got in response before shifting the wrap both arms over Buck’s shoulders, clasping his hands loosely behind his neck.

“Oh.” Buck smiled shyly as he adjusted his hold so that both of his arms encircled Eddie’s waist. Eddie inched closer, tucking his forehead against Buck’s clavicle. 

“ _Hold me closer tiny dancer_.” Buck whispered the lyrics softly as the song played around them. Eddie smiled before the words registered, furrowing his brow and turning his head to meet Buck’s eye.

“Are you calling me short again?” He paused. “Using Billy Joel this time?”

Buck leaned back to fully look Eddie in the eye. “BIlly Joel? This is Elton John! How do you not know this is Elton John?!”

“I know who Elton John is!” Eddie grinned mischievously before asking, in the most innocent voice he could muster, “he’s the piano man, right?”

Buck fully stopped moving, looking like someone had slapped him. “ _Eddie_ , you can’t be-”

Eddie broke, unable to keep a straight face anymore, ducking his head to giggle into the side of Buck’s head.

“Oh, you are _such_ a dick.” Eddie kept his head tucked away, knowing that Buck couldn’t pretend to be mad for long. Sure enough, he just started turning them again, back to swaying in their small circle.

Eddie lifted his head, ready to make a point that, hey, at least _he’d_ seen _Star Wars_ , but the argument flew out the window when he noticed just how close Buck was.

How close Buck’s lips were.

He blinked slowly, licking his lips before leaning in, Buck’s eyes flitting down to track the movement before gazing back into his own. Eddie stopped breathing, he couldn’t believe this was _finally_ -

“ALRIGHT EVERYONE, GET YOUR BUTTS OUT ON THE DANCE FLOOR FOR THE CUPID SHUFFLE!”

Drunken squealing erupted throughout the room, backed by the rhythmic upbeat clapping that started the dance track. Buck and Eddie jumped apart, jolted out of the moment by the noise and energy rippling along the dance floor. 

“This is my shit!” Someone yelled as the mob of guests started moving in unison along with the voice directing them _to the right, to the right, to the right, to the right._

“I never got the hang of these group dances.” Eddie turned back toward Buck, ready to suggest that they pick up where they left off somewhere quieter. “Now, I _can_ do a mean Macarena-”

Instead of the laugh he was expecting, all he was met with was dead air. Buck was gone. Eddie spun in a fast circle, hoping Buck’s height would help him spot him over the crown. His gaze landed on another familiar figure instead - Abuela was approaching him, a sleepy Chris in her arms.

“I think this one’s done for the night, nieto. Do you want me to bring him back to my room?” There was a playfulness to her smile. “It looked like you and Buck were having a good - wait, where did he go?” She glanced around, as if expecting Buck to jump out from behind one of the sets of balloons lining the wall.

“Oh, uh...he wasn’t feeling well.” The lie slipped easily from Eddie’s tongue - he didn’t know why Buck had left, but he knew he would break if he spoke his confusion into existence. He couldn’t let him think about it with Chris and Abuela in front of him.

“Oh no, too much champagne?” She turned to go. “I can take Chris back to my room tonight, you can go make sure Buck is okay.”

“ _No_.” Abuela flinched at the sharpness in his tone. “No. I can take him. We have an early morning tomorrow - Buck has an afternoon shift.”

He scooped Christopher out of his grandmother’s arms, grateful for the distraction of the comforting, familiar weight of his son’s head on his shoulder. “Thank you for the offer, though. I appreciate you keeping an eye on him tonight.”

Abuela’s smile was soft, and a little sad. “Of course, mi amor. I hope you and your Buck are okay.”

Eddie avoided her gaze, knowing that she suspected something but not wanting her to read the truth of the hurt in his eyes. He carried Chris back to the table, gathering up his crutches and Eddie and Buck’s jackets, glad he was still capable of balancing it all even though he hadn’t had to carry it all alone for quite some time.

Not since he had Buck to share some of the load. 

He shook the thought away, focusing on getting Chris up to bed instead of dwelling on his disappointment. He focused on the slow breathing of the child in his arms as they rode the elevator up to their room. His son came first, always. He couldn’t let himself fall. Not yet.

He stepped onto their floor, padding across the thick carpet until he was standing in front of the door. He just stood there for a moment. How was he going to - he didn’t have enough _hands_ \- the key was in his pocket but he couldn’t, he _couldn’t -_

He felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes, hot and sudden. He was frustrated, and so _tired_ , and - 

He took a deep breath and counted to five, pressing his tongue against the roof of his mouth. He held it in for a beat, desperate to gain back control, before letting it out in a slow stream of air. He dropped the coats and leant Chris’s crutches against the wall, freeing one of his hands to dig around in his pocket until he found his room key. The door unlocked on the first try, the thin, stretched thread that was holding him together given a brief reprieve.

His movements were automatic as he laid Chris on the bed. He found comfort in the familiarity - it had taken a while, but some parts of fatherhood had become second nature. His movements were gentle to avoid waking him as he slipped off his shoes, divesting him of his shirt and pants. He looked so small when he was sleeping - Eddie could still believe that his son needed him when he was like this, soft and vulnerable in his t-shirt and underwear. 

Eddie slipped Christopher’s glasses over his neck, folding them carefully and placing them on the nightstand next to the boy’s sleeping form. He tucked him in, taking a moment to stare before turning back to the door, making sure to grab his key where he had dropped it on the dresser. The last thing he needed right now was to lock himself out. 

He could feel himself crashing fast, making quick work of collecting the crutches and jackets from the hallway, the silence a stark contrast to the celebration continuing just a few floors below them. Eddie felt the lump building in his throat, his movements jerky as he raced to get back inside, racing against the internal timer counting down the moments until his emotions overwhelmed his ability to function as an adult. 

He made it just inside the door, dropping the objects in his arms just inside the threshold, barely having the presence of mind to glance over at the bed to make sure he hadn’t woken Chris before slipping into the bathroom and closing the door, sinking back against it. 

He felt his shoulders start to shake as he peeled off his shirt, folding it gently before placing it on top of the closed toilet seat. He removed each article of clothing just as methodically, silent tears streaming down his face as he avoided his reflection in the mirror. It wasn't until he stepped into the shower, not waiting for it to reach a temperature even resembling comfortable, that he let himself break. 

He couldn’t say how long he stood under the spray, the cool tile holding him up as the water steadily warmed. He was grateful for the water running over his face, washing away the snot and tears as quickly as they fell. It wasn’t often that he gave himself an outlet for the cocktail of emotions that was constantly threatening to burst - fear, loneliness, exhaustion, _rage_. 

And honestly? _Fuck_ Buck. Fuck him for disappearing when Eddie had finally worked himself up to showing his hand, to letting himself be vulnerable. Frank was always telling him that he was too closed off, that he needed to work on letting people in. He let out a bitter laugh, loud as it reverberated around the bathroom. He knew better though, right? He knew that, at the end of the day, letting people see him, _all_ of him, just made it hurt that much more when they inevitably ran in the wake of all of the flaws and scars he worked so hard to keep hidden.

His breathing was ragged as he stood in the shower, stepping out of the spray and leaning an arm against the wall. He gulped in a few lungfuls of air, feeling spent but also...strangely calmer, now that he’d cried himself out. He felt clearer, turning back around until the water was pounding against his back. He washed his hair, the familiar scent of his shampoo from home doing its part to slow his racing heart.

As he dragged a soapy washcloth along the planes of his body, washing away the exhaustion and emotions as best he could, he was able to course correct, his brain less dramatic now that he’d calmed down. 

_Now that you’ve defined how you_ **_feel_ ** _, let’s move on to what you_ **_know_ ** _._

God, he really needed to stop imagining his therapist while he was naked. He didn’t think Frank would appreciate it if he knew.

Buck had looked _scared_ when they’d jumped apart in that brief moment before Eddie had turned away and back again to find his friend gone. For all of the time he’d had to psyche himself up, - or have Lucia do it for him - Buck might not have been ready. They hadn’t talked. Eddie had just...steamrolled through the milestones to take them from platonic to romantic. He’d thought Buck had been onboard, that there had been _signals_ , but thinking back on it, there’s a large leap between dancing and _kissing_. 

Maybe Buck didn’t want that.

He was stunned to find, as he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, that he was kind of okay with that? All of the fear that had been building over the _months_ leading up to tonight - he wasn’t scared anymore. He’d gone for it, and maybe things hadn’t gone the way he wanted, but he finally saw what everyone else had tried to show him - their friendship was stronger than that. _He and Buck_ were stronger than that.

 _Except he ran away_ , the annoying voice in the back of his mind reminded him.

Eddie stared at himself in the mirror, the bright lights highlighting his reflection more than he was used to as he wrapped a towel around his waist. Okay, yeah, Buck had run. There was that. But it wouldn’t do him any good to spiral about it any more tonight - Buck couldn’t run forever, and they had three hours stuck in the car tomorrow morning either way.

He was...surprised how calm he was as he stepped back into the main room, trading his towel for a pair of sweatpants, ready to climb into bed next to his son. Part of him was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for his worries and insecurities to break through this weird, zen place he’d found himself in. He tried to just enjoy it while he could.

It was all shattered by a knock on the door that connected his room to Buck’s. With that sound, Eddie’s heart was back in his throat, his breath once again coming in as short gasps.

He pulled a shirt over his head, drops of water from his hair immediately creating wet spots on the fabric, the discomfort matching his feeling towards what came next.

What he _had_ to do next.

Eddie took a deep breath, crossed the room, and opened the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! :|
> 
> Songs in This Chapter:  
> Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye  
> Tiny Dancer - Elton John  
> Cupid Shuffle - Cupid


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters today because fuck it, it's the weekend.
> 
> Welcome to Part 2 of "Why is this fic rated Explicit?" - enjoy your visit! ;)

Eddie wasn’t surprised to see Buck in the doorway, hand raised as if he were going to knock again. He was surprised, however, at the state Buck was in. His hair was a rumpled mess, sticking in all directions. His pink dress shirt was untucked, buttons open as it hung loosely over his undershirt. 

“Can we talk?”

Buck’s voice was quiet, unsure, and Eddie’s gaze flicked back up to notice that his lip was caught between his teeth. He knew that Buck was more than the cocky, confident persona he slipped on at work, but Eddie could count on one hand the number of times he had seen him this unsure.

“Yeah, sure.” Eddie nodded slowly. “Chris is asleep, though. Can we-”

“Oh yeah, totally. Come on in.” Buck stepped out of the way, making his way over to the bed and sitting down on the edge, one leg tucked underneath him while the other braced him against the floor. Eddie followed him into the room, taking a seat along the same side of the bed as Buck, tossing aside a pillow and twisting his body to lean against the headboard.

Eddie looked at Buck, taking in his profile as Buck stared at the wall. They sat like that in silence as the minutes dragged on, punctuated by the constant ticking of the clock on the nightstand. Eddie flexed his hand in his lap, focusing on his breathing as his mind started to wander, jumping to worse and wilder conclusions as he was left to his own devices.

Buck was freaked out.

He’d made Buck uncomfortable.

Buck didn’t want to be friends anymore.

He bit his lip, hard, to refocus. In through his nose. Count to 5. Out through his mouth.

“Buck.” Eddie’s tone was gentle but firm, piercing through the tension permeating the room. “You wanted to talk?”

Buck flopped back onto the bed, landing heavily, both legs hanging over the edge and an arm flung across his face. He groaned.

“... _ Buck _ .” Eddie raised an eyebrow, sure that Buck could sense the change in expression in his tone without actually seeing his face.

“I know, I know,” Buck mumbled around his elbow. “I’m  _ trying _ , I just - I can’t - ”

Eddie’s heart sunk. Here it was. He knew a rejection was coming, but he still felt himself tense up, all of the mental preparedness trampled over by the crushing feeling that he wasn’t enough.

_ I can’t believe you thought I liked you like that. _

_ I can’t be your friend anymore. _

_ I can’t do this. _

He opened his mouth, no idea what to say but ready to say  _ something _ to save himself from this shame, to take it all back, to make some sort of excuse that would get him out of this room and into his bed where he could let the tears fall in peace.

“I’m sorry.”

Eddie’s mouth snapped shut at Buck’s words. He blinked a few times before his voice caught up with his brain. “What the fuck do you have to be sorry about?”

Buck rolled onto his side to face Eddie. His brow was furrowed, confusion lacing his tone as he spoke, slowly, as if explaining something obvious to a child. “I tried to kiss you?”

Eddie shifted, pulling his knees in tight to his chest.

“I don’t know if you drank too much champagne or what, Buck, but  _ I _ was definitely the one who tried to kiss  _ you _ .”

They squinted at each other, Buck craning his neck to meet Eddie’s gaze, both of them unwilling to back down as they wore matching frowns. 

“Oh my _god_ , are we really this-” Buck closed his eyes and pushed his fists against them, letting out a strangled noise that Eddie couldn’t decipher. He threw his hands back down on the bed, lifting himself onto his hands and knees to crawl up to the head of the bed, settling himself to sit against the headboard, beside Eddie. “Are we really... _competing_ over which of us initiated an almost-kiss that apparently we were _both_ on board for?”

Eddie just blinked at Buck before bursting into giggles. “Yeah, I guess we are?” He tried to catch his breath, but immediately started up again once he saw Buck shaking with silent laughter next to him. “ _ God _ , we’re ridiculous.”

“This is why-” Buck wiped away a tear and turned toward Eddie. He tried to start again, biting his tongue in an attempt to tamp down the giggles. “This is why our friends  _ hate _ us.”

That got Eddie going again because Buck was  _ right _ , they were  _ idiots _ and so many unlucky people had to put up with them. He dropped his head onto Buck’s shoulder, breath hissing out against Buck’s neck as he tried to be quiet. “Oh  _ shit _ ,” He lifted his head, directing his words at Buck’s cheek. “Chris is asleep. We need to-”

And then Buck was kissing him. 

Things started out light, gentle, like what Eddie imagined would have happened on the dance floor barely an hour ago. Eddie shifted to his knees, using one hand to brace himself against the headboard behind Buck, bringing his other hand up to cup Buck’s cheek as he leant back in to claim his lips. Buck let out a whimper as Eddie sucked on his bottom lip before pulling back to take a gasping breath.

Buck’s eyes were closed and his lips were pink.  _ Fuck _ , it was hot. His eyelids snapped open to focus in on Eddie’s lips - the heat in his gaze leading Eddie to believe that Buck also liked what he saw. Something stirred low in his gut at the thought that Buck was just as turned on as he was. 

“ _Fuck_ , Eddie,” Buck leant back in to press a hard kiss to his lips, close-mouthed but insistent. “I spent an _hour_ ,” his words stuttered out into a moan as Eddie moved down to suck on his pulse point, “a whole _hour_ walking around outside beating myself - ah - _beating myself up_ about _ruining_ _us_ because I was - uhhhhhh - thinking with my dick instead of my brain-”

Eddie smiled against the bruise that was already darkening near Buck’s collarbone. He pulled back and peeled off his shirt, moving to straddle Buck’s thigh before leaning in close to his ear. “I think that your  _ dick _ ,” Buck shivered from the heat of Eddie’s breath against the shell of his ear before  _ yelping _ when Eddie ground down against his thigh, just once, “had the right  _ idea. _ ”

Eddie suddenly found himself on his back, Buck hovering above him, a smug smile stretching across his red, swollen lips. Eddie blinked up at him lazily, needing a moment to take in that this was  _ really happening _ , before Buck dove in to claim his mouth again. 

“I can’t  _ believe _ -” Buck nipped at his bottom lip.

“You had the  _ audacity _ -” This one was punctuated by Buck’s teeth scraping against Eddie’s chin.

Eddie cupped a hand around Buck’s jaw and pulled Buck’s mouth back up to his own, effectively distracting them both from whatever audacious thing Eddie had done. Buck tried to pull back, opening his mouth to say something else, but Eddie just chased his lips and cut him off again. There would be time for talking  _ later _ .

Buck seemed not to mind that decision, licking into Eddie’s mouth, smiling at the way Eddie shivered beneath him. Buck started vibrating against him as Eddie moved to focus on Buck’s jaw, which he took as a good sign until Buck started poking him in the arm. Eddie pulled back from the damp skin to direct a confused look at Buck.

“As  _ amazing _ as this is, can you sit up? I’m practically holding a plank here trying not to crush you,” Buck smirked down at him as Eddie took in the position Buck was holding himself in. “Even a six pack can’t hold me up forever.”

“One, this position is entirely your doing. It’s not  _ my  _ fault that you gave your abs too much credit.” Eddie rolled his eyes as he shifted until his shoulders were settled against the headboard, grabbing a pillow to support his back. “Two, you’re on your  _ knees _ , so it’s not really a plank. Also, you would  _ not _ crush me.”

Buck narrowed his eyes at Eddie as he followed him further up the bed to, a challenge in his gaze. He straddled Eddie’s hips this time, and Eddie realized what he was going to do seconds before Buck dropped, putting all of his weight on Eddie’s stomach as he sat on him. 

“Are you sure about that?”

It took Eddie a moment to regain his voice after having the wind knocked out of him. Buck took advantage of his silence to continue his teasing.

“You’re looking pretty thoroughly  _ crushed _ to me.”

Eddie glared before bucking his hips, hoping the suddenness of the attack would catch Buck off guard enough that he’d fall over. That would show him.

No such luck.

“Awww, did you bruise your ego?” Buck laughed before leaning down to peck Eddie’s pout, scooting back to take a more comfortable seat on Eddie’s thighs. “Do you want me to kiss it better?”

“That doesn’t even make  _ sense _ .” Eddie rolled his eyes, but his smile broke the illusion of any real annoyance.

“Do you want to get pedantic here, or do you want to take the excuse to get back to making out?” Eddie licked his lips, and Buck took it as the invitation that it was, diving in to pick up where they’d left off.

Buck was clinging to the sides of Eddie’s face, his thumbs resting along Eddie’s jawline as he led the kiss. He raised up on his knees, trying to use his legs to regain his height advantage. Eddie grinned against Buck’s mouth and pushed him back down by the shoulders, reveling in the novelty of looking down at Buck for once.

His grip on Buck’s shoulders reminded Eddie that Buck was still wearing his dress shirt, which needed to be rectified  _ immediately _ . He shoved the offending fabric down Buck’s arms, blindly working to pull the sleeves over his hands as Buck didn’t help at all, still putting all of his focus into devouring Eddie’s mouth.

Amazed that he was able to work a button in this condition, Eddie finally freed Buck from his shirt. Buck barely seemed to notice, just shifted down to press light kisses across Eddie’s throat.

Eddie cracked open an eye in an attempt to aim as he tossed the garment off of the bed. Unfortunately, being able to see the room also meant being able to see the clock, proudly proclaiming that it was after 2 am.

Eddie pulled back reluctantly, hating that his brain was online  _ just enough _ to ruin his fun. “Buck,” he felt a hum of acknowledgment against his neck. “Buck, we need to stop.”

Buck’s head shot up with a speed that would’ve been funny if Eddie didn’t see the crushed expression that came with it. God, he needed to start  _ hearing _ his words before blurting them out.

“No, no, not like that - I  _ promise _ not like that.” He lifted Buck’s palm and placed a kiss to the center, hoping it counted as  _ I’m sorry _ . “I just mean,” Eddie sighed, hating adulthood with everything he had right now, “we need to go to  _ bed _ .”

Buck’s face was incredibly cute when scrunched up in confusion. “We  _ are _ in bed, though?” He bounced on it a little to highlight his point.

“Ok, yes, we are in a bed, but we need to  _ sleep. _ ” Buck’s jaw dropped, and Eddie rushed along before the protests could start. “This is great, and god do I want to keep going, but  _ Christopher _ is next door. And it’s 2 am. And we’re getting on the road by seven to get you back in time for your  _ noon shift _ that you need to be  _ awake for _ . Y’know, since our job is dangerous and everything?”

Buck huffed, sitting back and crossing his arms - it didn’t have the desired effect of intimidating Eddie as much is it just highlighted Buck’s arms. Maybe that was the goal, though?

“I can sleep in the car. I’ll be fine before my shift.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Sure, but where does that leave me? I can’t sleep while driving.”

Buck glanced up at the ceiling, biting his lip in thought, which was kind of  _ adorable _ actually. 

“Aha! You can sleep when you get home since you took off tomorrow.”

Eddie let out a slow breath through his nose. “Sure, perfect, except I have to stay awake once I get home to keep an eye on my  _ very well rested, energetic eight year old _ . You know he’ll really be bouncing off the walls after three hours in the car.”

Buck just blinked at him and pouted before rolling off of Eddie, splayed out on his back, both hands covering his face. Eddie worried his lip, concerned that he really fucked things up here. Buck’s voice was muffled by his palms when he spoke.

“Why the  _ fuck _ ,” Buck threw his hands down to his sides and Eddie winced, feeling guilty already. No one liked blue balls. “Why do I find your...concern? I dunno, your whole  _ responsible dad thing _ ?” he gestured in Eddie’s general direction. “What is  _ wrong _ with me that I find it incredibly  _ hot _ ?!”

Eddie smiled before nudging Buck’s arm with his toe. “Well that’s easy.” Buck glared up at him, already catching on to the smugness in his tone. “It’s because I  _ am _ incredibly hot.”

Buck groaned and punched the side of Eddie’s leg before rolling over and over in tight spirals until he was off of the bed. 

“What are you doing?”

Buck quirked an eyebrow as he walked across the room, stopping to gesture up and down his body. “One - you may be in sweats, but I’m still in dress pants for fuck’s sake.” Eddie licked his lips as he took in just how  _ well _ those dress pants hugged the curve of Buck’s ass. “And two,” Buck was smirking now, definitely aware of where Eddie’s mind had gone, “I need to pee and take a quick shower. You can go ahead and settle in, though. Don’t want to keep you from your precious  _ sleep. _ ”

Eddie narrowed his eyes at Buck’s retreating back, only relaxing once the door to the bathroom was closed. He turned off his bedside light, rolling over on his side to face the wall to block out the low glow from the lamp on Buck’s side of the bed. 

He burrowed under the covers as he heard the shower turn on, chilly without the warmth of Buck’s chest against his. He deserved to be comfy while waiting for Buck to get done with his shower, impatient for him to come back to bed. Eddie had said they weren’t having  _ sex _ tonight - he didn’t say they couldn’t  _ cuddle _ . 

He blinked back to reality, the nightstand coming back into focus, when he heard the bathroom door shut again. Buck’s footsteps were light as he walked back toward the bed, stopping to rustle some things around. Probably grabbing some clothes from his suitcase. The thought that Buck didn’t  _ have _ to put clothes back on to come to bed floated around the sleep fog of Eddie’s brain, but he didn’t have the energy to tell his mouth to pass along the message.

Eddie felt the bed dip beside him as Buck got settled under the covers. The blanket shifted, and then they were both plunged into darkness. Eddie smiled into his pillow and let his eyes fall shut again, waiting patiently for Buck’s arm to snake around his waist.

Except it didn’t. 

Eddie opened his eyes again, brow furrowed. He  _ knew _ Buck was a cuddler - he wound himself around whichever coworker was closest on twelve hours shifts. What gives? 

He rolled over slightly, his pillow no longer blocking any noise. And that was when he heard it, quiet behind the steady hum of the AC. 

Buck was  _ panting _ . 

Eddie held his breath, taking note of all of his senses as he tried to make out what was happening behind him, much more awake now. 

There was the panting, and some sort of movement, and something that sounded  _ wet _ -

“Buck, what the hell are you doing?” Eddie’s curiosity won out as he rolled onto his other side, now facing Buck. Eddie’s mouth went dry, his eyes big as saucers as he pieced together the scene in front of him, grateful for the moonlight.

Buck was back in bed, alright, but he wasn’t sleeping. His shoulders were propped up against the headboard, and even under the blanket, Eddie could tell that his knees were bent, legs spread wide. He couldn’t say this was a view he was used to, exactly, but there was no mistaking what Buck was doing. Eddie would bet money on the fact that Buck’s left hand was wrapped around his dick - and, if the way his hips were grinding down was anything to go by, he was fingering himself.

What the  _ fuck _ .

“Am I having a really vivid dream right now, or?” Eddie hissed, gesturing to the scene in front of him.

To his credit, Buck’s sharp gasp was the only thing that indicated his surprise that Eddie was awake. At least, Eddie  _ thought _ that was what the gasp was in response to, though it was kind of hard to tell.

“Oh, you dream about me now?” It came out breathy, Buck’s words not making the impact that he was clearly aiming for. But they definitely had  _ an _ impact. The blood rushing to Eddie’s dick was proof of that.

“Fuck you.” Eddie glared, but there wasn’t any heat behind it.

Buck chuckled, low and throaty, and he inched his heels further apart. “Yeah, I’m working on it.”

Eddie opened his mouth but had no response, closing it again before exhaling sharply through his nose. Buck shrugged and broke eye contact, all of his focus back on his own pleasure. And, damn, did he look  _ pleased _ . 

“Buck!” Eddie finally choked the word out, his brain working twice as hard from exhaustion and...whatever the  _ fuck _ this was. He just got a grunt in response, Buck preoccupied with snaking one of his arms out from under the covers, abandoning his dick to tweak his own nipple instead. Eddie honed in on it, watching the nub harden before his eyes, before he forced himself to snap out of it.

“Buck, we agreed that we needed sleep? That we were  _ both _ going to sleep?” 

“One,  _ ah _ -” Buck hissed through his teeth, his hips stilling as he slowly moved his arm. “We agreed that  _ you _ need sleep. I can sleep in the car.” His hips jerked once before his right arm appeared from under the blanket, three of his fingers slick with lube.  _ Jesus _ .

“And two,” Buck dragged his fingers across his bare chest, leaving a damp trail glistening in the moonlight, before reaching over toward his nightstand. “For your information, getting off helps me sleep.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, which Buck couldn’t even  _ see _ since he was still rooting around the bedside table in the dark, but the defensive cut to his voice made Eddie think he somehow  _ knew _ he’d react that way.

“It’s true! Orgasms release oxytocin, norepinephrine, and serotonin, all which help you relax and - aha!” Buck cut off his own explanation as he finally found what he had been feeling around for, raising his first in triumph, his fingers wrapped around a...dildo?

“Oh you’ve  _ got _ to be kidding me.”

Buck looked over at him and grinned, winking as he lubed up the toy. 

“Hey, I’m holding up my end of the bargain.  _ We’re _ not doing anything.  _ You _ can go back to sleep whenever you want, grandpa.” He shifted back down on the bed, the blanket tightening across Eddie’s hips as Buck bent his knees again.

“You know what? I think I will.”  _ What the fuck kind of macho pride shit _ \- he shut off the part of his brain that was yelling at him. This made sense. He couldn’t let Buck  _ win _ , and if he kept watching, he was going to give in.

_Giving yourself blue balls, glaring a hole in the wall, while Buck is_ naked and gasping _two feet away isn’t_ losing?!

His aching cock seemed to agree with the voice in his head.

He closed his eyes anyway, slowing his breathing, conjuring up sheep that look disturbingly like dildos, as if he could just will himself to forget everything happening around him and pass out.

Which, maybe he could, if it just came down to shutting up his own mind. 

The ragged breathing. The unmistakable squelch of lube. The light slap each time the base of the toy made contact with Buck’s skin as he dragged it in and out of his ass. The low moans as he picked up his pace. 

Eddie couldn’t block it out.

Eddie reached under the blankets and tugged his pants down over his hips to free his cock. He wrapped his fist around his dick, biting his lip at the contact. The dry skin of his palm chafed a bit, but he didn’t want to risk spitting into his hand. He couldn’t let Buck notice, couldn’t let Buck  _ win _ . He’d just jerk off, silently, and  _ apparently _ that would put him right to sleep.

He was so focused on getting off as inconspicuously as possible that he almost missed it, too caught up in his own neuroses. But he heard it.

Oh, he heard it.

“ _ Eddie.” _ Buck whined his name, long and filthy. 

And that was it. 

Eddie kicked his sweats the rest of the way off before flipping over and crawling toward Buck, whose eyes were wide and lust-blown. Eddie pulled back the comforter to kneel between his spread thighs, planting his arms on either side of Buck’s chest before leaning in close.

“One,” he growled into Buck’s ear, “you need to quiet the fuck down. Chris is  _ sleeping _ and these walls are  _ not _ soundproof, believe me.”

Buck shivered, his knees shaking and bumping against Eddie’s sides.

“Two,” Eddie reached down to wrap around Buck’s hand where it was holding the toy, pulling it out slowly before shoving it back in, Buck jerking his hips as he flung an arm across his mouth, muffling his whine into his wrist. “Don’t think for a  _ second _ that a piece of plastic can fuck you better than I could.”

“Silicone,” Buck breathed out. Eddie’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“What?”

Buck took a deep breath, shifting his hips, but the dildo was in all the way. He huffed. “They don’t really make sex toys out of plastic anymore -  _ jeez,  _ Eddie,  _ please move _ .” Buck’s eyes rolled back as Eddie pulled the toy out halfway before burying it back in, moving continuously now, but at a lazy pace. 

“ _ Ah, yes _ \- um, they make most toys out of sssssssilicone now. God,  _ fuck Eddie _ .” He gulped in another lungful of air. “S’a lot softer, and easier to cl-cl-nnnnnn,” Buck bit down hard on his lip as he thrusted into the air. “Easier to  _ clean _ .”

“You know, I must be doing something wrong if you’re still forming sentences.” Eddie mused, tracing his fingers across Buck’s abdomen. He stopped to rest his hand on Buck’s chest - he could feel his heartbeat pounding under his palm. “The question is, what should I do about it?”

Eddie watched as Buck’s gaze snapped to his dick, heavy and flushed where it was hanging over Buck’s navel. Eddie shifted his weight to his left hand where it was braced against the bed, ghosting his lips over Buck’s before leaning close to his ear.

“You want me to fuck you, Buck?” His voice was thick as it wound around Buck’s ear. He nipped at the soft flesh of his earlobe, Buck reduced to whimpers as he tried to grind down on the unmoving dildo that Eddie was still holding in his ass.

“I didn’t hear an answer, Buck.” He pulled back and raised an eyebrow, Buck moaning again as Eddie gave him a few more thrusts with the toy.

“Yeessssss, yes, god  _ fuck _ yes Eddie  _ please. _ ”

Eddie leaned back down until his mouth was at Buck’s ear again, very aware of how much of a  _ thing _ this seemed to be for him. His words were slow and deliberate, almost a growl. “You owe me an  _ incredibly _ large coffee tomorrow.”

Buck’s arm came around to grasp the back of Eddie’s neck, pulling him into a messy kiss, Buck licking into the inside of his mouth. Eddie only pulled away when Buck slapped him on the ass. “I will buy you whatever the fuck you want if it gets your cock inside me.”

Eddie scrambled further down the bed, pushing Buck’s hand out of the way to get a better hold on the base of the toy before pulling it out all the way, making sure to go slow, minding the way Buck hissed as it dragged against him. He moved back up toward the pillows, leaning over to stand the dildo on the nightstand to be dealt with later, swapping it out for the bottle of lube.

“Did you bring any condoms in your fun bag?” He leant back on his heels, glancing toward Buck’s suitcase.

“Yes, but do we need them?” Eddie looked back at Buck, who was stroking himself slowly while waiting for Eddie. “I haven’t slept with anyone since Ali, and I got tested after we broke up. Clean bill of health.”

Eddie pumped some lube into his palm, sliding his hand over his own cock to get it nice and slick. ”No one since Shannon. Tested, nothing to worry about.”

Buck moaned at that, louder this time, his pace picking up as he continued to thrust into his fist, eyes trained on Eddie’s dick.

Eddie narrowed his eyes before wrapping his clean hand around Buck’s, stopping his movements. “I was serious about being quiet, you know.”

Buck whined, trying to calm himself down before turning his attention back to Eddie, gaze curious. “Yeah, what did you mean about knowing the walls are thin?”

Eddie looked down at Buck from where he was lining himself up with Buck’s hole, nudging his knees wider before starting to press in slowly.

“Oh, um. You woke me up when you were jerking off last night.”

He leant in to capture Buck’s lips in a slow kiss as he bottomed out, letting Buck get used to the added size. Eddie was a little embarrassed that he felt a stupid satisfaction that the dildo wasn’t quite as big as he was. 

Buck nodded when Eddie pulled back to look at him, so Eddie started rocking his hips. “You - _ ah _ , oh yes,  _ so good _ \- you heard me?”

Buck was flushed and writhing beneath him, and Eddie dipped his head down to bite at his shoulder as he started thrusting faster. 

“Mmmmmm yeah, I may have -  _ ah, ah, oh god _ \- I could hear  _ everything _ , wrapped my hand around my cock, picturing you -  _ nnnnnnnn _ \- getting yourself off, so  _ fucking good _ .”

Eddie brought his mouth back to Buck’s, swallowing the moan that was pulled from somewhere deep in his chest. Buck’s heels were digging into Eddie’s back, his hand stroking himself in time with Eddie’s thrusts. 

“I was thinking of you, imagining you  _ listening _ , and I can’t -  _ yesss, ah, right there _ \- I can’t  _ fucking _ believe-” Buck’s babbling faded, his words devolving into indistinguishable pants and whines until he was coming, clenching around Eddie’s dick, cum painting across his own stomach. 

Eddie watched, reveling in the fact that  _ he got to see this now _ , this beautiful sight of Buck, eyes closed, lips red, spent and shaking beneath him. He was torn away from committing the image to memory as his own orgasm slammed into him, his eyes closing as he willed his shaking arms to keep him from collapsing onto Buck.

They were still for a moment, both catching their breath, the ticking of the clock and the hum of the air conditioning a familiar backdrop now that they could hear them again. 

Eddie pulled out slowly, Buck hissing through his teeth like air leaving a tire. He collapsed on his side at Buck’s feet, his own hanging off the edge of the bed. He could just fall asleep right here…

Except he was cold, and sticky, the cool air harsh against his bare skin. Eddie huffed out a breath, annoyed at having to deal with having a  _ body _ when he felt more liquid than solid, before shimmying further over the edge of the bed, groaning when his feet touched the carpet. He sat there for a moment, his face buried in the blanket, half off of the bed. He could make this work, he’d slept in worse positions-

“Jesus, Eddie. If you’re getting up, just  _ do _ it, before I push you off.”

Eddie glared at Buck. “I don’t see you volunteering.” He glanced meaningfully at where Buck was still splayed out on his back - he hadn’t moved at all.

“Yeah, well. My ass hurts. You’re on top, you clean up - I don’t make the rules.” Buck at least had the decency to lean over and switch on the light, both of them blinking as they adjusted to the warm glow.

“But  _ you’re _ the one who-” Eddie’s argument died on his tongue, whatever he had been planning to say escaped him, floating around the room somewhere. He knew he wouldn’t get it back. “Ok,  _ fine _ .”

He pushed himself the rest of the way off of the bed, surprised that his legs held him up while feeling this much like jelly. Suddenly he was in the bathroom, no memory of telling his legs to move. He took the opportunity to pee while letting the water from the tap warm up, wetting two washcloths, cleaning himself off before making his way back to the bed. He tossed the remaining cloth at Buck, laughing when the wet  _ plop _ on Buck’s chest jolted him back from the edge of sleep. 

“You suck.”

“Hmm? No, we need to sleep.” Eddie yawned, climbing into the bed. “Maybe next time.” 

Buck chuckled as he leant over to toss the washcloth and the nightstand and switch the light back off, burrowing back under the covers and turning to face Eddie. “I don’t know if that even really made sense.” Buck’s voice was a whisper, wrapping around Eddie’s head like a blanket. Or something. “You are  _ so _ out of it, oh my god. I can’t wait to find out if you get like this after every orgasm.”

Eddie just snuffled as he rolled back to face the wall, shifting until he felt Buck against his back, solid and warm. He smiled against his pillow as Buck’s arm wrapped around his waist, pulling him even closer. This was perfect.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking around! I've been overwhelmed with all of your lovely comments. Enjoy the final chapter!

Eddie woke up to a knock on the door.

“Bucky! Do you know where my dad is? His phone alarm is beeping but he’s not here.”

Eddie jolted up in bed, whipping around to get his bearings. He took in the light streaming in the window, the bedside clock telling him it was already - _fuck_ \- 6:45, before he locked eyes with a very startled, very naked Buck. They were _both_ very naked.

“Uh, yeah, just a second Chris!” Buck’s words came out strangled as his gaze didn’t leave Eddie’s, looking like a deer in the headlights.

Both men scrambled off of the bed, Buck heading toward his suitcase while Eddie looked for his clothes. He grabbed his sweats off of the chair that they’d landed on, almost tripping as he rushed to pull them on. Suddenly, a ball of fabric hit the side of his face before falling to the floor. He looked up to see Buck shrug at him as he pulled a pair of jeans on.

“Sorry! I found your shirt.” Eddie strained to hear Buck’s whisper, clearly trying not to tip Chris off.

Eddie rolled his eyes as he tugged the shirt over his head, hissing back at Buck. “I can’t _believe_ we slept so late - we’re supposed to be on the road in,” he looked back at the clock, “eleven minutes!”

“Eddie, we’ll be fine. We just need to get Chris dressed and go, right?” Buck, now fully dressed, was dancing around the room, opening drawers to make sure he wasn’t missing anything.

Eddie glared at Buck’s back. “Well, I was _going_ to pack last night and get everything down to the car, but _someone_ interrupted that. So I still need to do that, too.”

Buck’s grin was incredibly smug when he turned back to face Eddie. “Yeah, but you can’t tell me it wasn’t a worthwhile distraction.”

Eddie scowled. “I don’t know, Buck. Is Bobby going to accept that excuse when you’re late to your shift? That we got _distracted_?”

Buck’s face went slack as he realized just how much he _didn’t_ want to have that conversation. He spun around to continue packing, moving more quickly than before. 

“Ok, yeah. We really don’t need Bobby mad at us.” 

“ _Us?_ This is totally your fault. _I_ wanted to go to sleep, remember?” Eddie pulled at his hair as he went through a mental rundown of what they had left to do.

Buck poked his head out of the bathroom to gape at Eddie, waving around the dildo that he was cleaning off. “I wasn’t stopping you from sleeping! I told you to sleep!”

Eddie crossed his arm and rolled his eyes. “Oh come on, you are _not_ implying that there wasn’t an _ulterior motive_ to shoving your _fingers_ up your-”

“Bucky? Is Daddy in your room?”

Oh _shit_. Eddie hadn’t even realized that they had started speaking at a normal volume, unsure when they’d stopped whispering. Buck almost dropped the armful of toiletries that he had retrieved from the bathroom. 

Eddie walked over to open the door, revealing one sleepy, confused little boy.

“Good morning, Christopher. Sorry if I worried you, bud, I was just-”

“Sleeping over,” Buck provided from where he was zipping up his bag, just as Eddie finished with “Waking up Buck.”

He winced, frowning at Buck who just raised his hands in apology. Eddie turned back to Christopher. “I, ah, had a sleepover with Buck so I could make sure he woke up on time.” He dropped his voice to a stage whisper. “You know that your Bucky is _awful_ in the morning.”

Chris giggled at Buck’s exaggerated pout as Buck flicked off the lights and dropped a $20 bill on the dresser for housekeeping before joining them by the doorway. Eddie just stared, amazed by how _human_ Buck looked on fewer than four hours of sleep and after 15 minutes of harried packing.

“Ok, ok - enough mocking me! Y’know, Eddie, we really _do_ need to get going.” He ducked away from Eddie’s hand by guiding Chris back into Eddie’s room, anticipating the flick that was directed at his ear. He looked back over his shoulder to wink at Eddie before digging Chris's clothes for the day out of the dresser. “Chris, let’s race with your dad! See if we can get you dressed before he gets his packing done.”

Eddie leant against the door for a moment, basking in how easily Buck stepped up and had his back, even with this stuff.

“Eddie!" He blinked at Buck, who was pulling Chris's shirt over his head. "It’s 7:05!”

 _Oh, shit. Right_. 

Eddie scrambled through the doorway, dragging Buck’s suitcase with him before starting to throw everything and anything into his own bag. Bobby was going to _kill_ them.

Half an hour later they were pulling through a Starbucks drive through, finally on their way. Eddie ordered the largest iced coffee that they sold, holding out his hand for Buck’s card. Buck passed it over with a rueful twist of his lips. “Yeah, yeah. I know what I said.”

Eddie had a flash of déjà vu as Buck made sure they had enough cupholder space, digging into the bag that Eddie passed over to start passing out their breakfast. Eddie grinned when he realized he didn’t have to hide the fond look in his eyes as he watched Buck pass Christopher his muffin and fruit cup.

The car behind them honked, Eddie almost spilling his coffee in his lap as he realized that they were blocking the drive thru. He felt a blush climb up his neck as he pulled back onto the main road, Buck chuckling softly as he placed Eddie’s drink safely in its holder.

“You sure you’re not too distracted to drive?” 

Eddie glanced at Chris in the rearview mirror, satisfied that he was distracted with his food and the movie playing on his tablet, before flipping Buck off. 

“You think you’re cute, Buckley? I could solve my problem by leaving your ass on the side of the road.”

Buck laughed as he bit into his breakfast sandwich. He held up a finger as he finished chewing. “I could just call Isabel. Or Pepa. Or Lucia, she seems to like me.” He licked a crumb of feta off of his index finger before pointing it at Eddie. “Besides, _you’d_ be the one having to explain that to Bobby.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, biting back a smile as he tried to keep up the pretense of annoyance. “ _Fine_ , but if you’re going to stay, you better make yourself useful.” He reached out a hand toward Buck, keeping his eyes on the road. “Can you pass me one of my egg things? I’m starving.”

Rather than being placed into his palm, one of his breakfast bites is suddenly in Eddie’s line of sight, hovering in front of his mouth, held up by Buck’s fingers. Eddie leant forward and bit off half of the disc, swallowing the egg, bacon, and cheese before opening his mouth for the other half, expecting Buck to toss it in.

Instead, Buck placed it gently on his tongue, Eddie’s lips reflexively closing around Buck’s fingers, sucking off the oil until they slid out with a slight _pop_. Buck brushed his thumb along the bottom of Eddie’s lip before pulling his hand away.

Eddie focused on chewing the rest of his food, knowing that choking was not going to help him focus on the cars around them. He swallowed the rest of the bite, washing it down with a slow sip of iced coffee, ensuring his voice would sound somewhat normal when he finally mumbled “Thanks”.

Buck passed over the other breakfast bite - Eddie plucked it from his grasp this time, calculating that having a hand off the wheel was _much_ less risky than Buck _feeding him_. The sound of his own chewing was loud in his ears with nothing to compete with, the silence thick and tense around them.

“So, uh-” Buck swallowed, staring out the windshield, cheeks flushed. “I just realized that we never really...talked last night?”

“Are you serious?” Eddie turned to steal an incredulous glance at Buck before returning his attention to the road. “I don’t think I’ve ever held that much of a...a _conversation_ ,” he glanced back at Chris, still focused on his movie, oblivious to anything happening in the front seat, “while having _sex_ with someone.”

“You might be surprised to hear that you’re _not_ the first person to tell me that.” 

“No, actually, I’m not surprised to hear that at all.” Eddie laughed as Buck squinted at him, unimpressed. 

“Ok, fair point. We get it, I’m not good at shutting up... unless someone _makes_ me.” Buck waggled his eyebrows. Eddie chose to keep laughing instead of letting the full impact of Buck’s implication wash over him. This was _not_ the time or place.

“ _Anyway_ ,” Buck continued, “no matter how _verbose_ we may have been last night, that’s not what I mean. My point is, we never had _the_ _talk_.”

Eddie had a feeling he knew what Buck was getting at, but he stayed silent, making a show of triple checking for cars behind him before merging into the next lane. He knew he was being a coward, but he really hoped that, if he stalled long enough, Buck would keep taking the lead here.

There were _reasons_ that Eddie hated important talks - he was _bad_ at them.

“Eddie, what are we?”

Ok, so, Buck running the conversation wasn’t going to make this any easier. Eddie’s grip on the wheel tightened and he shifted in his seat to sit up straighter, his eyes not leaving the road. He just needed to focus on getting them back to LA, getting Buck to work on time. 

“Traffic’s already getting worse, Buck. I need to focus so we can get you back. Neither of us needs Bobby chewing us out.” Eddie aimed for the teasing tone of their earlier banter, but missed it by a mile.

“ _Eddie.”_ Buck shifted next to him, and Eddie felt a tentative hand land on his thigh. The tenseness he was holding in his limbs, his back, his jaw, all lessened at Buck’s touch, just a little.

“Eddie, I’m not trying to spring a trap here. I know you hate that I’m doing this now, without an easy escape.” Eddie didn’t say anything, just glanced over at Buck’s face, his expression hopeful and open, before returning to the closest thing he could get to a hiding place - ignoring everything inside by focusing on what’s outside. He was _not_ going to think about how that rang true regardless of whether his freakout was happening inside a car.

“But I really don’t want to spend the next two and a half hours in this car with you, both of us too scared to just _talk_ , when the alternative is falling down an anxiety spiral trying to define what exactly changed last night.” He pulled his hand back from Eddie’s leg, toying with the hem of his own shirt instead. Buck’s next words were quiet, avoiding Eddie’s gaze in favor of watching his fingers twist the edge of the fabric. 

“I don’t want to talk myself out of this before we’ve even really started.”

Eddie took a deep breath before reaching across the center console to grab Buck’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “Ok, yeah. We should do this.”

Buck bit his lip as he stroked his thumb along Eddie’s wrist. “We _can_ do this.”

Eddie smiled as he changed lanes again, the feel of Buck’s palm pressing against his helping to relieve the tension in his shoulders. 

“Ok, so, do you have a checklist or something here, or?” Eddie was teasing, but his eyes widened when Buck pulled up his phone, looking embarrassed. 

“Actually,” he started, letting go of Eddie’s hand briefly to rub at the back of his neck, “it’s kind of impossible to find a DTR checklist? I thought for sure that someone would have made one.”

Eddie reached back over to reclaim Buck’s hand where it was now resting on Buck’s knee. He squeezed it to encourage Buck to keep going. “But?”

“ _But_ ,” Buck mimicked, sticking his tongue out as he swiped through his phone, “I did find an article to get us started.” He held his phone in front of his face, reading off of the screen. “‘Let’s Get Serious: 14 Questions to Ask Before You Define the Relationship’.”

Eddie snorted; he couldn’t help it. “That sounds like a Cosmo article.”

Buck dropped his hand again to punch Eddie in the shoulder. “ _Excuse_ you, it’s on _Medium_ . Besides,” his voice slipped into something sickly sweet, “we don’t _have_ to use this article. You know, since we both have _such_ a good history with setting expectations and being on the same page in our past relationships.”

Eddie winced. Buck wasn’t _wrong_.

“Why don’t _you_ go ahead and get us started, since you have such a good handle on how these things go?” Buck hadn’t dropped the innocent tone, but Eddie felt properly chastised.

“Fine,” he huffed, not missing Buck’s amused smirk, “I see your point. Let’s hear your dumb questions.”

Buck scrolled through the article, frowning a bit as he skimmed it. “Ok, so, I don’t think all of these may sense to discuss right now - some of the topics are more introspective, or would require a lot of _thinking_ before we talk about them.”

Eddie furrowed his brow. He already did not like the sound of this. 

“Alright, let’s start with the first one.” He squinted at his screen, reading it to himself, before putting his phone down in his lap to focus on Eddie. “How well do we know each other?”

Eddie scoffed, grateful for the softball question. “Well, we usually spend 50-plus hours together at work each week, and at least half of the time we hang out after our shifts, not to _mention_ days off-”

Buck laughed. “Ok, yeah, we spend a _lot_ of time together. But like, would you say we _know_ each other?”

Eddie paused, suddenly self conscious. He _thought_ he knew Buck. He knew that he wasn’t a morning person. He knew that his relationship with his parents was complicated. He knew that he was headstrong and stubborn but had a huge heart. He knew Buck’s coffee order, his favorite ice cream flavor, that he’d played through every Call of Duty game. But did he _know_ him?

Buck seemed to be struggling similarly, staring straight ahead while worrying at his lip. So much for an easy start.

Eddie cleared his throat. “I don’t know about you, but I think this one is getting way too existential for 8 am. Can we just table this as ‘We’re best friends who see each other all the time, but there’s always more to learn about a person?””

Buck visibly sagged in his seat as he sighed. “ _God_ yes.” He picked his phone back up. “I hope the next one’s easier. Anyway, I know you enough to know you’re worth knowing, y’know?”

By the time the convoluted sentence registered with Eddie, Buck was talking again. Which worked well, since Eddie had no idea how to begin to respond - the sentiment was simple, but it kind of knocked him off kilter.

“What are you attracted to?” Buck read the question off of his phone, chuckling as he glanced back at Chris. “I know he’s preoccupied, but that doesn’t _sound_ like a question for present-”

“Your heart,” Eddie cut him off, his words steady, sure. “ _God_ , you care so much. You see the best in people, you do whatever you can to help, you’ve been _so good_ with Christopher.”

“Eddie,” Buck started, his face crimson, not used to the attention.

“No, Buck. You’re going to hear this. God knows you deserve to hear it more.” Eddie chanced a glance at Buck, taking a long moment to just look him in the eye, to make sure he _knew_ how much Eddie meant what he was saying. He turned his head back to the road before continuing. 

“You are incredibly brave, and loyal, and giving. And yeah, that obviously applies to the big stuff - our job, the fucking _tsunami_ \- but it’s the little things too. Pulling together the Christmas party. Coming up with a goddamn _skateboard_ for Chris. You came to this wedding with like a day’s notice?”

Eddie paused for a breath. Buck turned back to his phone, eyes wide, about to read off the next question. But Eddie got there first - he wasn’t done yet.

“And you’re so fucking _smart_? It blows me away?”

Buck broke his stunned silence to snort. “C’mon Eddie. Smart? You might be alone in that opinion.”

Eddie glared at the road in front of him, suddenly _pissed_ at whoever made Buck feel that way. It hit him like a truck - _they_ made him feel like that. At work. _Shit_.

“Ok, I’m realizing that we have _not_ done a good job at communicating. None of us. But Buck, you’re so good at solving problems. You’ve had so many quick ideas on calls that have saved _lives_ .” He grabbed Buck’s hand and squeezed, wanting to make sure this hit home. “And you’re so good at helping Chris with his homework? We all know I’m shit at math - my kid is smart, but he would be so confused if it were me helping him instead of you. You break it down in a way that makes _sense._ And sure, you’re hotheaded and stubborn and reckless and-” 

Buck squeezed Eddie’s hand when he stopped to breathe, hitting the pause button on his soliloquy.

“Can you, can you give me a second to process and figure out what I want to say?” 

Eddie nodded, closing his mouth and busying himself with checking the GPS. Another two hours on the highway. No surprises there. He glanced over at Buck, who was absorbed with something on his phone, his rapid blinking the only indication that he was affected by Eddie’s words. 

Several minutes passed before Buck looked up and Eddie could finally exhale.

“Ok, so, I have a few points I want to make here. I’d appreciate minimal interruptions from the peanut gallery, positive or otherwise.” He shot Eddie a warning glance. 

“I’ll try my best.”

Buck folded his hands in his lap, shifting in his seat before settling. “Alright - first, I want to say _thank you_ for all the nice things you said. I might not _agree_ with all of them, but I will accept the praise gratefully - I know that the only thing worse than unsolicited compliments is _arguing_ with someone about the compliments.”

Eddie nodded. “Damn straight.” He smiled sheepishly, muttering an apology before he mimed locking his lips and throwing away the key.

“Second, I have some nice things to say of my own.” He raised an eyebrow at Eddie, who had already opened his mouth to protest. Buck didn’t continue until Eddie’s jaw was shut, settling on a glare as the best nonverbal was to express that _reciprocation wasn’t necessary here_. 

“I’m going to keep this short, but I want to make it known that listening to me wax poetic about the many wonderful qualities of Eddie Diaz is in your future.” Eddie rolled his eyes but kept silent. Buck’s voice was earnest as he continued. “You’ll get the Sparknotes version today though - while you are _also_ stubborn, hotheaded, and reckless - _don’t give me that look, you cut your damn line_ \- you are an _incredible_ father, treating Chris like a _person_ , not just a kid. You’re always doing whatever you can to support the team without having to be asked. You’ll drop everything if someone you love needs help. You’re also _really hot_.” 

Buck winked at that last one, and Eddie was grateful for the laugh it pulled out of him. Not pushing back against how Buck saw him was _hard_ , but he bit his tongue and tried to actually believe it.

“Alright, now comes the hard part. I _really_ hope this all makes sense, but words are hard - I know I don’t have to tell you that twice.” Eddie snorted. “Oh, also, the interruption ban is lifted now. This is fully intended to be a conversation, ok?”

Eddie nodded, trying to force down the lump in his throat that had appeared at the phrase “hard part”, reaching over to briefly squeeze Buck’s thigh. “I’m listening.”

Buck sighed, face scrunched up in concentration as he sorted out his words. “Ok, so, I read through the rest of this article, and I really don’t think we need to keep going through this. Stop me if you don’t agree, but I’m not getting any red flags here? Neither of us have plans to leave LA or the 118. I know I’m not looking for something casual, and we’ve talked about how it’s not worth shaking up Chris’s life for anything temporary. Obviously I can’t predict the future, but I feel like we’re going into this with the same goals here.”

Eddie cleared his throat, finding it easier to swallow now that he knew where Buck was going. “Exactly, yeah. We’re definitely on the same page with everything you listed so far.”

“We know each other’s history - no surprises there. Unless you have another secret ex-wife?” 

Eddie rolled his eyes and just shook his head at Buck’s teasing. “No, not unless you count my whole secret family, they live in Utah…” 

Buck slapped his arm as he laughed. “C’mon, be _serious_. We’re almost done here.”

“ _Fine_ , keep going.”

Buck turned in his seat to face Eddie more fully. “We obviously want to get Chris’s opinion before we move forward with anything here - I don’t want to jump into anything he’s not comfortable with. If he’s cool with it, we’ll have to figure out how to break the news to Bobby and the team.”

Eddie blanched - there was a lot of paperwork in their potential future. And teasing. So much teasing.

“Honestly, though? I don’t know if any of them will really be surprised? The more I’ve thought about it, the more I feel like we’ve kind of been dating this whole time?”

Eddie hummed in agreement. “Yeah, the thought had crossed my mind. Y’know, since you practically live at my house and help my kid with his _math homework_.” 

“Yeah, sex is really the only new thing here. Or like, a different kind of physical intimacy than we’re already used to. But none of that should make anything different at work.” Buck pursed his lips in thought. “Now that I think about it, we’re already _way_ more tactile than anyone else at the 118, aren’t we?”

Eddie blinked - he’d never really thought about it, but Buck was right. “Wow, we really are idiots.” He groaned. “They’re never going to stop teasing us for being idiots about this, are they.”

Buck chuckled. “No, probably not. God, we really did have our heads up our asses, didn’t we?”

Eddie opened his mouth, but Buck shot a warning glare at him before he could speak.

“Before you say whatever you’re thinking about my ass and anything being ‘up’ it, I will remind you that your eight year old is still very much in the back seat, and we’re pushing our luck that he’s still distracted with each passing second here.”

Eddie’s jaw snapped shut - the joke he was going to make was very much _not_ child friendly. He looked over at Buck, licking his lips before blurting out the question that was on the tip of his tongue. “So, uh, after all of that - do we have an answer to your question? Do we know what we are?”

Buck laughed and grabbed Eddie's hand, holding it tight. “Oh, we are definitely dating. There’s a possibility we have been for a while without knowing it.” He lifted Eddie’s hand to his lips, placing a smacking kiss to his palm. “I’d like to be your boyfriend, if you’re cool with that.”

Eddie couldn’t help the goofy grin that spread across his face. “Yeah, boyfriends sounds good.” He glanced at the clock before deciding to pull over to the shoulder, putting the car in park. 

“What are you-” Buck’s question was cut off by Eddie’s lips on his, Eddie leaning over the center console to press a quick, hard kiss against Buck’s mouth.

“That is all we have time for right now - at this rate, I think I’ll have to drop you off right at the station, traffic _sucks_ -” Eddie merged back into the line of cars, “but I couldn’t _not_ do that.”

“Hey Bucky?”

Buck had a small, pleased smile on his face as he turned around to face Christopher. “Yeah buddy?”

Chris pulled off his headphones, the credits to his movie scrolling across the tablet screen.

“Do you and Daddy kiss now?”

Buck started coughing, and Eddie snorted, taking pity on his _boyfriend_.

“Yes we do, mijo, but we’ll talk about it more at home, ok? Tonight, after Buck’s shift.”

Chris nodded, seemingly satisfied with that plan.

“Oh fun, just the conversation I want to have after working a half shift on 4 hours of sleep.” Buck hissed out his complaints, not wanting Christopher to hear.

“Well, you should’ve thought of that before deciding to stay up until three last night.” Eddie’s grin was smug. “Or before deciding to spend an hour and a half to determine that we’re boyfriends, _Mr. I’ll-Sleep-In-The-Car.”_

Despite the teasing, Buck couldn’t hide the grin that bloomed across his face at Eddie’s use of “boyfriends”.

“Hey Bucky?”

“Yeah, Chris?” Buck’s response was a _lot_ more tentative this time, Eddie biting back a laugh at his wide-eyed look before Buck turned to face the back seat.

“Can we play the alphabet game again?” Chris’s smile was infectious, and Buck leaned back to give him a high five.

“Of course we can, buddy! Do you see any A’s?”

Eddie smiled as they slowly inched closer to home, comforted by the familiar, excited voices of his son and his boyfriend as they pointed at cars around them and squinted into the distance, trying to read a sign that was several car lengths away. In that moment - stuck in traffic, running late, exhausted from lack of sleep - Eddie wouldn't have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr at marvelmawrter!


End file.
